Back to you
by tini243
Summary: “If you could go back in time, change something that went wrong for you, would you do it?” “In a heartbeat.” AU JR, MC
1. TOW the Time Machine

**Back To You**

Category: Romance, AU (very much) sort of supernatural, more in later chapters

Pairings: JR (what else?), some CM in later chapters

Rating: M, also in later chapters

Summary: "If you could go back in time, change something that went wrong for you, would you do it?" - "In a heartbeat."

Acknowledgement: The plot of this story is inspired by a great X-Files story, called 'Eleventh Hour' written by Rachel Anton. You should find that on www gossamer org

A/N: Yeah, I'm actually attempting another story, very different from what I usually write - as far as the plot goes. Although the basic structure of the story is already written, I don't know how fast I'll be with the details and the updates, so please bear with me. I can promise though, that I _will _finish it.

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A Light in the Darkness **

"And then the temporal flux is carrying the brainwaves over the threshold to the parallel timeline. All we need is to compensate …"

She liked listening to him. His dull and monotonous voice in which he told her the same things over and over every hour of every day numbed her to a comfortable degree.

She asked herself sometimes if mental institutions were called that because there were mental patients there, or because people went mental when they were in there.

Not that she cared much about that. She didn't care much about anything these days.

Once a day her boring routine was interrupted by one of her friends visiting her. She dreaded those visits, because she knew they were hurting, she knew she was the reason and she couldn't help it.

Phasing it out, forgetting it, listening to the crazy guy everyone just called 'The Professor' yammering on about the problems he had with building his stupid machine was the only thing in her life now.

In her dreams she sometimes saw their faces. The horror on Mon's face as she had pulled the knife out of her hand the first time. The way they always looked at her when they had to drag her home after she had been sitting at his grave again for hours.

Pneumonia had almost done the deed of killing her after she had been sitting there in the pouring icy cold rain for almost a whole night. It felt oddly right when it rained when she was there. It felt like the skies wept for him too.

Slashing wrists was something that always seemed to be so easy when you watch it happen on TV or in a movie, but it was actually not easy at all. You have to know precisely where to cut and how deep. It had gotten even harder the third time around since they hadn't trusted her around sharp objects anymore after the second time. It had taken the second time for them to understand that this wasn't a cry for help, it was her wanting to end the pain.

The last time, in the bathtub, she had used a not so sharp letter opener. She still remembers wondering why it didn't hurt when the dull piece of metal finally broke the skin after she had applied an enormous amount of pressure. Nothing did hurt anymore, save for her smashed heart, her torn up soul. In retrospect, it was a stupid idea to use that thing. Even though she'd made herself bleed, she never would've managed to slash an artery with this dull blade.

It was then they had decided to bring her here. They had cried and tried to explain it to her that they couldn't watch her all the time, that she was safer there, that there were supposed to be specialists here who would be able to help her.

As if anyone ever could. No one could, because no one could bring him back.

Sometimes she remembered the moment when it hit her that he would never come back. It wasn't the moment when she held his bleeding and broken body in her arms, when she watched the sparkle of life dying in his eyes, when she screamed at him to stay awake, when she slapped him so he would wake up again. Over and over until someone managed to drag her away from his lifeless body. It wasn't when she stood in the hospital, clothes still covered with his blood and the doctor had told her that there wasn't anything they could have done for him.

It wasn't even at his funeral, when she saw his family almost collapse under the agony of having lost their brother, their beloved and only son. It wasn't when she had placed a single red rose on his coffin, right next to the white ones from Phoebe and Monica.

It was when she stood in the apartment they had shared for over a year and she had opened the freezer. A worn copy of 'The Shining' was lying in there, bookmarked with a ticket stub from a movie they had seen together.

Chandler had found her that day, collapsed on the floor next to the fridge, clutching the book to her chest. He had taken her in his arms and held her for hours. It still felt like he was the only one who understood her. Because he had loved him too, and he had his own regrets to deal with.

Chandler was the reason she was still alive. Sometimes she despised him for that. She had stopped eating after they had brought her here. There were more ways to die than just slashing one's wrists.

Of course the doctors had found it necessary to put an IV in her arms and tie her to the bed so she couldn't pull it out. But they knew they couldn't force her to live if she really didn't want to.

Chandler had visited her the day after they had removed the IV, effectively giving up on her.

"He wouldn't have wanted that, Rachel. He must be rotating in his grave when he sees what you do to yourself."

"I killed him."

This was the answer she always gave when someone said something like this to her.

"You didn't, it was an accident."

And this was what everyone always said after that. But she knew better. He had died because of her, because she had called his name when he was right in the middle of crossing the street. He had turned around and smiled at her, waving a little. It was a magical moment. In that moment she had known without any doubt how much she had been in love with him.

He had told her he loved her two days before that. She had blown him off, she had tried to let him down easy but in the end, she had blown him off. And it took her two days to realize that she had been wrong, that she hadn't even recognized what deep feelings she had for him.

When he had waved back at her, smiling brightly and happily, the only thing she wanted in that moment was to tell him, to shout 'I love you' right there in the middle of a busy New York street.

The moment she started doing just that, she heard the screeching of brakes, the blaring of a horn and the sickening sound of a human body getting hit by a car. The sound of crushing bones and rupturing tissue. He hadn't screamed or said any last words. When she ran to him, cradling him in her arms, his eyes were already distant and her shaking fingers couldn't find a pulse on his neck.

No one ever blamed her. Not his family, not her friends. The driver of the car had been going way too fast, it had been his fault. She faintly remembered someone telling her he was in prison now.

It didn't matter. If it hadn't been for her, the man she loved would still be alive and she would've had the chance to tell him what she felt for him.

"I killed him," she repeated, tired of having the same conversation over and over again.

Chandler was the only one she even talked to anymore. The shrinks exhausted her with their endless questions, their endless attempts at getting her to talk or to 'deal with her grief' like they called it.

Chandler had shaken his head at that, probably tired of this conversation as well.

"Want me to tell you a story about him?" he had suddenly asked.

She had turned her head to him quickly, looking at him hopefully. Her reaction had obviously taken him by surprise and he had smiled a little painful smile.

"Do you?"

She had given him a weak nod, failing at the attempt to smile back.

When he was done telling her the story, tears had been running down his face. He had caressed her sunken cheeks gently and whispered to her, "I'll tell you another one tomorrow, if the nurses tell me you ate something."

It was blackmail and it was disgusting, but when the nurses brought her some soup for dinner that evening, not even bothering to check if she would eat it, she did.

It had been that way for weeks. He told her a story, she ate. It seemed to heal both of them. She had put on some weight again, still twenty pounds away from what they considered healthy for a woman her size.

And now she was sitting in the professor's room every day, watching him assembling some pieces of junk which he had found God knows where to something he called his time transportation device.

She didn't care. It just calmed her down to listen to him. If she listened to people, she wouldn't have to listen to her own thoughts.

"Rachel," the professor suddenly said intently, startling her. Usually there was no intensity about the professor. "If you could go back in time, change something that went wrong for you, would you do it?" he whispered urgently.

She didn't even need to think about that. "In a heartbeat."

"Then let's do it Rachel, let's do it now. I've assembled the machine, I need someone to try it. Will you try it?"

On some level she knew she should ask him if he was sure it worked, or how it worked, or… but again, she didn't care. The thought of going back, of changing what had happened, of seeing him again was so electrifying, she suddenly felt alive again, she felt like an incredibly heavy weight started to be lifted off her shoulders.

"Yeah, I'll do it."

"Then let's do it now before they take it away again."

Her heart was beating wildly in her chest, she could feel the blood flowing through her veins again, she already made plans for what she would do, for what she would say.

The professor put some weird cables on her head, some on her fingers.

"Which day do you want to be brought back to?" he asked after he had finished.

"May 19th, 2002," she answered mechanically. The day Joseph Francis Tribbiani had died.

A blinding pain pierced her head when the professor's machine starting working with a loud buzzing. And then everything went black.

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tbc 

A/N: I'd be happy if you'd tell me what you think.


	2. TOW the wrong year

**A/N: **I can't believe how lucky I am to have such faithful and loyal readers. I'm sure I've disappointed you greatly by not updating for so long and as always it pains me deeply. This time though, it was only partly due to my own laziness and my being otherwise occupied. As it happened, my laptop with which I'm writing my stories was standing next to an open window while we were out. Of course it started to rain like mad and my poor computer practically drowned. Everything I've ever written, including heaps of unposted material was on that computer and my backup copies are - of course - not very much up to date.

I have some hope that the computer can be fixed an my data recovered, but until then I have to resort to use my old computer again and to see what use I can make of the backup copies. Then again, I've not written much over the last months, so not too much is lost as far as my stories go.

Anyway, here's the new chapter. Enjoy.

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**Chapter 2: TOW the wrong year**

It felt like she had been crawling through the darkness forever and when she opened her eyes, she was blinded by a sudden painful brightness. After a while, when she had determined that she was not dead, she opened them again very slowly and carefully, with no idea whatsoever what had happened to her.

Above her was a white ceiling with pink stars and butterflies on it. The room smelled sweetly of girlish perfume an of something so achingly familiar that she stopped breathing for a few seconds. Her room in her parents' house.

She wondered how she had got here, when her memory came slowly back to her in disjointed pictures. The professor, the time machine, May 19th 2002... Joey. The last thought made her sit bold upright and look around herself with puzzlement. She had no recollection of having been at her father's around that time. The last time she was there was, some time in February, on her father's birthday.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself. So the professor obviously got the date a bit wrong. It didn't matter because regardless of which date it was, Joey was alive somewhere. For a while she just reveled in the thought. Happiness and warmth radiated through her and warmed her from inside, chasing away the heavy grey fog smothering her soul.

Smiling lightly to herself, she clambered out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom only to find it locked from the inside. Of course, Jill, she realized with a big dramatic sigh. The thought of having to suffer through that birthday weekend again was a bit dreadful. Maybe she should call Joey and tell him… no, that would be weird. First of all, in February he hadn't even known he loved her yet and second, she sure as hell wasn't going to tell him something like that over the phone.

Then again, just hearing his voice again would be... would be... A violent tremor ran over her at the fresh realization how close he was, how... alive. It seemed impossible to wait just one minute longer to see him, to throw her arms around him and tell him everything she had wanted to tell him ever since the day he died.

All she had to do now was find a remotely believable excuse for having to go back to New York. And if none came to mind, she would go anyway.

While she was searching for her purse which was supposed to have her cell phone nestled inside, her senses slowly began to catch up on the fact that something wasn't quite right. The room looked different somehow. Not unfamiliar, but not like she remembered either. She distinctly recognized the horrible clothes that lay strewn around everywhere as being hers but she surely wouldn't have worn any of them anymore.

Suddenly a very cold shiver ran down her spine and she stand rooted to the spot while a horrible realization dawned on her. The posters on the wall, her school bag, the books on her desk... that wasn't the room tidily waiting for her to visit three or four times a year. This room was lived in. Which meant that this was _**so**_ not 2002.

Panicked she ran over to her vanity and looked into the mirror. A toneless cry tore itself free from her mouth when all her fears where confirmed. There she was; pre- nose job, probably seventeen or eighteen years old.

She frantically knocked at the bathroom door.

"Oh leave me alone already, I'm done when I'm done," Jill yelled from within.

"Jill, what day is today?"

Silence from the other side of the door. It was probably better not to wonder what exactly Jill was making of that weird question.

"Saturday," the reply came at length. "How could you forget that? Big party at Josh's."

That was just great. Only clamping her lips tightly together kept her from laughing manically. She remembered that party.

This was May 19th 1988. Her prom would be in two or three weeks. She couldn't believe it. He had gotten the year wrong. Stupid, babbling professor had gotten the year wrong and had stranded her in her high-school days. She would have to live through fourteen years of her live again. Fourteen years that right about now seemed like a dreadful succession of misery and failure.

The men came to mind, Chip, Billy, Barry, Paolo… Ross. There was no way she could do that all over again, she had no strength for that.

A feeling of defeat settled over her so heavily, she slumped down on her bed again and fell to her side, staring off into empty space, wishing herself back to the future... or dead.

Oddly enough, this time she recoiled violently from the thought of killing herself.

No, that wasn't an option at all. She had been given a chance, a chance to save his life. Her jaw started to hurt, so tightly had she ground her teeth together while arriving at that resolution.

If saving Joey's life meant going through those fourteen years again, she would. Somehow.

Another thought struck with perfect clarity. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time around. She already knew what would happen, she could change a few things and as it were, she would start with what was going to happen at that party.

She had been going to that party with Chip, her prom date, leaving poor Monica to go with Ross. They had barely talked to each other the whole evening, she had made jokes to her friends about Ross staring at her the whole time and then she and Chip had made out in the bedroom of Josh's parents. Chip had been trying to get her to have sex with him, but even back then she was smart enough to know that this would be a mistake.

With renewed determination she jumped out of her bed and looked through her closet for some sportswear that she would be comfortable wearing in public. Which proved to be a challenge. The fashion sense of her younger self would take some serious getting used to.

When she took off her pajamas, she caught a glimpse of her naked body in the full length mirror. It gave her pause for a while and she couldn't help but marvel at her own body. Sure, she had still been in incredible shape fourteen years later, but there was no denying the traces time had left. Her hands trailed over a wide expanse of smooth, soft skin that covered firm, round flesh. Reproaching herself for her vanity but still taking pleasure in looking at herself, she started to lighten up again. Ah… to be eighteen. This could be a lot more fun than she thought it would be.

Putting an abrupt stop to her bout of narcissism, she shut the door and got dressed, put her hair in a ponytail and then knocked at the bathroom door again.

"Jill, I'm going for a run, if you haven't gotten your ass out of there by the time I'm back, I'll kick the door in."

After jumping down the stairs, she ran into her mother.

"Rachel, what are you doing?" Sandra Green asked, annoyed.

"Jill is blocking the bathroom, so I thought I just go for a run in the meantime."

"You haven't even had breakfast yet, you know your father…"

Rachel wondered why she never had noticed the icy tone in which her mother had always referred to her father.

"Mom, I'll be back in twenty minutes, I promise. He won't even notice I was gone."

"Let's hope not, because that might be the end of your party plans otherwise."

Okay, so this was the drawback of being eighteen and still living at your parent's.

She broke out in a fast run without the usual stretching and warming up, hoping her younger body could handle it.

It took her about five minute to arrive at the Geller house. In those five minutes, the sight of her neighborhood fourteen years ago, the cars, the people… comforted her in a completely unexpected way. Like a buried memory of times when her biggest problems where trouble at school and a bad hair day. When the future had stretched before her like an empty canvas, waiting for her to paint her life on it to her own liking. And even now, although she had seen the picture already, she was filled with a sense of everything being possible again. It made her feel like herself again. It took away the heavy layer of depression and mental illness that had turned her into someone that wasn't herself.

It made her smile.

Arriving at her destination, she knocked at the door and who else should open it but Ross. Wearing his hilarious hairdo and the stupid mustache, gaping at her as if she was an apparition from another dimension.

The thought that she actually was made her smile even more.

"Good morning, Ross," she greeted him warmly, which made his eyes almost fall out of their sockets. "I'm looking for Monica, is she up yet?"

All right, he was adorable, but in the light of the fact that she had only fifteen minutes left, she wanted to strangle him for not saying anything.

Luckily, Monica peered around her frozen brother, smiling brightly. The sight of her almost brought tears to Rachel's eyes. She remembered her sitting at her clinic bed for hours on end, telling her about her day at the restaurant, about her plans to have a baby, about thinking about calling it Joseph if it was a boy. She loved her, she wouldn't make the mistake again of losing contact with her for over three years.

Fighting the urge to give her a hug, she smiled at her and said good morning to her too, inviting her to go for a run with her for a few minutes.

"Rachel," Monica smiled shyly, "I don't run."

"Yeah I know. I think it's time to change that. Starting today, I'm gonna pick you up every morning, and we… get ourselves into shape a bit. What do you say?"

"I think you should do that." Ross seemed to have located his vocal cords again and smiled at his sister, "Go on a run with Rachel, you always said you would do that if you had someone to go with you."

"Thank you Ross," Rachel said to him with a smile and he looked at her again uncertainly.

"Uhm… so… I'm gonna go change and I'll be back in a minute, okay," Monica finally mumbled and turned to go.

"Okay Mon, I have only twelve minutes left," Rachel shouted after her.

After a few moments of awkward silence, which Rachel used to stare at Ross and marvel at his boyish, innocent face which held no trace of everything he'd gone through over the years, he cleared his throat and asked tentatively, "So… uhm... you're going to that party tonight?"

"Ah... yeah, about that. Would it be weird if you guys took me with you? I'm gonna break up with Chip and… you know, I have no one to go with, so… I would be happy if I could go with you and Monica."

And there went Ross's newfound ability to speak again. He opened his mouth a few times as if to speak, but no words came forward. Saving both of them from further awkwardness, Monica came down the stairs in a tracksuit that forced Rachel to bite the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing.

………

Rachel brought Monica back seven minutes later, on the verge of collapsing.

"See… told ya… can't do this", Monica wheezed, her face a bright red with sweat running from every pore.

Rachel patted her friends back compassionately. "You did great, honey, you'll see, it's gonna get better every day, and if you're cutting back a bit on the food, you'll barely recognize yourself anymore in a few months."

Monica looked up at her for a moment as if to assert her truthfulness.

"Ya think?" she asked, her panted question heavily layered with doubt.

Rachel smiled at her affectionately and encouragingly. "I know. You'll be gorgeous."

Having her breath back, Monica straightened and smiled at Rachel, still doubtful but willing to believe her friend for the time being.

"So, we'll see each other tonight," Monica asked to change the uncomfortable topic.

"Uh, yeah… I've already told Ross that I want to go to Josh's party with you guys."

The disbelief in Monica's expression was back with a vengeance, surpassing even her doubt at her being slim one of these days.

"What?" she cried. "What about Chip?"

Rachel squared her shoulders. "I dumped him, or… I'm going to."

"But why?" Monica inquired with an exasperation that strongly suggested that she suspected her friend had lost her mind. "He's the most popular guy in school and prom's in two weeks and…"

Sighing impatiently, Rachel interrupted her tirade. "Mon, he's a jerk, he's cheating on me and I'm sure I'll find someone else to go with me. So… can I go with you?"

Monica looked at thoughtfully, "You really want Ross to go with us?"

Rachel nodded solemnly. "I definitely want Ross to go with us."

After looking at her quizzically for a few more moments, Monica suddenly shook her head, "You're so different today, Rachel. What happened?"

Rachel froze for a moment, thinking how stupid it was to think that Monica wouldn't notice.

"I kinda feel like I grew up a bit," she replied at length with a slight shrug and a nonchalant smile. After a all, it was as close to the truth as she could get.

"I like you grown up," Monica declared with an answering smile.

"Me too," Rachel consented before she turned to run home.

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**A/N:** Reviews are still very much appreciated.


	3. TOW The Party

**A/N: **As always, many thanks to all of you who have reviews. I'm thrilled that you are thinking about the story in terms of "What might happen next" and of course not a little afraid of not meeting your expectations. But I'll try. :) So, without further delay, on to the next chapter. _- Reposted because Alert wasn't working before. -_

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**Chapter 4: TOW the Party**

Surprisingly enough, she had been able to dig out a decent enough outfit for the party, meaning, a jeans and blouse combination that really wouldn't go out of style in the next twenty years. Something had to be done about that haircut, though. Not to mention the nose.

The break-up with Chip had gone surprisingly smoothly, at least on her end of the phone line. Everything he'd said had only deepened her already substantial conviction that he was a complete loser. Knowing that he wasn't going to be heartbroken and would manage to get himself some comfort elsewhere played a big part in her utter lack of feeling guilty.

Though now, banished to the back seat of the Gellers' family vehicle, guilt was one of the emotions threatening to loosen her feeble grip on sanity.

Just like always, Jack Geller had been the perfect, helpful and understanding father, bursting with good intentions. He had insisted on driving them to the party and picking them up again at midnight. He had been so helpful in fact, that Ross had looked seconds away from committing murder, while trying to convince his father that he was old enough and perfectly capable of driving the two girls to the party and back himself.

With the superior air of someone convinced he is doing the right thing, Jack had completely ignored his son's obvious mortification just as much as his wife's gentle nudges in his side.

Neither arguing nor pleading could convince him that this was completely and utterly unnecessary. That Ross wasn't going to drink alcohol anyway, that he would be driving safely, that there wasn't room enough in the car for four people anyway. (Which in retrospect possibly served to compel Mr. Geller to prove that the opposite was true.)

Seeing that the most painful part of this conversation was for Ross to think that Rachel now saw him as less of a man and more of a pampered child, Rachel had decisively taken his arm and had said in a low voice, "It's not so bad, isn't it? We can take the back seat together."

So now, while Monica, sitting on the passenger seat, was happily chatting away with her father, Rachel sat in the back of the car beside an increasingly nervous Ross who slowly but surely drove her to distraction.

She was unprepared for the effect his unconcealed admiration and devotion had on her and she wondered, not for the first time, how she could have been so cold as to be unmoved by his infatuation. Now, it moved and affected her more than she felt sure she could handle in her still more than fragile emotional state. It dredged up emotions she had thought dead and forgotten. Not that it came as a shock that she still cared for him, still wanted to smile every time she looked at his face; it came as a shock that she had an almost unbearable urge to crawl onto his lap and have him wrap his arms around her until nothing else mattered any more.

Shortly before Joey had died, things between her and Ross had been as clear-cut as they could be under the circumstances. They had accepted that their love had been lost, due to no one's particular fault. They had come to terms with the fact that they probably weren't destined to be together in a romantic way, but still had a deeply felt fondness for each other that was best suited for a lifelong friendship.

But the Ross sitting beside her right now knew nothing of that, hadn't lived through the ons and offs of their relationship, hadn't been forced to acknowledge that she wasn't the woman he had idolized for so long. His emotions came off him in waves that she felt she could smell and taste and touch. They overwhelmed her with their intensity.

When he started bouncing his knees, she put her hand on his leg, stilling his motions. He froze for a second and then turned to look at her. Even in the dim light of the car, only illuminated by passing neon-signs and street lights, she could look straight into him and he didn't avert his gaze. He had not yet learned to hide his feelings. His soul, now laid open to her like this, had not yet been marred by the experience of loss and betrayal.

That was the reason for her feeling guilty, knowing that, however gentle she wanted to be, she was going to hurt him. For a long moment, while gazing into his hopeful eyes, she wished she could really be the young girl she appeared to be, not the woman who was so desperately in love with someone else. That she could love him the way he deserved to be loved, relive their relationship in the hope that this time it would be happily ever after.

A sudden tenderness bloomed inside her and she lifted her hand to touch his face, smiling up at him.

"Ross," she breathed while she felt him leaning towards her, moving in to place the most reverent, the most gentle kiss on her lips. When he drew back, when he put his arms around her and she rested her head on his shoulders, she knew. She hadn't come here for Ross. Even if she hadn't been certain about that before, now that she had been kissed by him, she knew.

Yes, she loved him. The loving tenderness she had felt, still felt for him was as true an emotion as the love she felt for Joey. But it was different. More like an echo from a past passion, fondly remembered. An appreciation for what an extraordinary, lovable man he was. An acknowledgement of some eternal bond. But no mad, life-changing, breathtaking, all encompassing, can't-live-without-you love.

While the calming hum of the car's engine soothed her nerves, she allowed herself a look back to the precious split of a moment before the unspeakable had happened. The moment she had looked at Joey, waving. The moment when all her thinking about him as more than a friend, all her wonderings and secret fantasies, had reached their critical mass and had erupted into a powerful big bang of emotions, into a breathtaking realization. When, after the bat of her eyelashes, she had seen him in a different light. Comfortingly familiar, yet enticingly, tantalizingly new.

Even after more than a year of misery, she could conjure up every one of the emotions she had felt that day. During that year, with no hope of ever seeing him again, the acuteness of that memory had tormented her beyond bearing. Now it proved to be a pillar of strength, a goal, something to look forward to.

The car came to a halt and Mr. Geller cheerfully announced their arrival at the Zimmermann residence.

Ross held the door open for her and helped her out gallantly, while Mr. Geller lent a hand to his daughter, who gave Rachel a rather meaningful glance.

It was that look that at once said, 'It'd be so cool if you'd be dating my brother' as much as 'Please don't hurt him', that convinced Rachel that she had to do something and quick.

While Monica apparently received some last minute instructions from her father, Rachel drew Ross aside.

Looking at him in the rapidly fading daylight, she was once again struck by noticing how young he really was, how vulnerable. In some curious way it even gave a slight maternal touch to her feelings for him. Not that it made what she had to do any easier.

"Ross, before we go in, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, Rachel. I think I have to tell you something, too."

"Please, let me go first," she pleaded quietly and then, not waiting for an answer, started, "Ross, I know what you're feeling for me. Or what you think you feel..." When she saw him starting to protest, she hurriedly continued, "...and I do care for you, really. That's why I want you to be my friend."

"Your... boyfriend?" Ross asked hopefully.

"My friend," Rachel clarified, willing him to understand.

"Because you're still going out with Chip?" he asked in a tone bordering on accusing that almost physically hurt her.

"I broke up with him today, as I told Monica," she whispered, her throat having closed in on itself. How on earth was she going to do this? It felt like breaking up with him all over again.

His body language became increasingly agitated as he continued. "So I'm supposed to be your friend, watching on the sidelines while you're going out with other guys? Be Dobbin to your Amelia?"

"I'd hardly compare myself to Amelia," Rachel muttered under her breath and then continued louder, "Ross, there will be no one else for a long time. I'm... waiting."

"For what?" he demanded and then, realizing something, clarified in a much gentler voice, "For whom?"

"For someone special," she gave back weakly and gave him a watery smile.

"How do you know he's not standing right in front of you?"

"I just know. It's like... I've met him already and I'm just waiting for him to come back."

It was devastatingly clear to her in that moment, that what she wanted from him was the impossible. She wanted him to give up hope. His struggle was painfully clear to her, in abrupt motions, his attempts to start a sentence just to clamp his mouth shut in the last second, reconsidering.

"Why do that to me, Rachel?" he finally asked, voice thick with hurt. "Why be friendly to me all of a sudden, even kiss me, just to tell me later that nothing will ever happen?"

She swallowed painfully and tears started to blur her sight.

"Dobbin was disappointed in the end," she finally managed, clinging to the parallel Ross himself had drawn. "Because Amelia hadn't been at all what he'd imagined her to be."

"At least he had a chance to find out," Ross scoffed.

"… and threw away half his life in misery and longing. I wanted to spare you that."

After she'd said that, rather louder than she had intended to, Ross just stared at her, his expression unreadable. It was all Rachel could do not to start squirming.

"You're really serious about that, aren't you?" he said at long last, in a measured, calm tone. His next sentence though was laced with a hint of a question. "I mean… you sound as if you really know what you're doing."

Relief flooded her in a rush and finally let loose all the tears she had held so carefully in check before.

"I do, Ross," she said through her tears. "And I wish I hadn't needed to hurt you like that, but I couldn't keep ignoring you either. It might have been the easier way, but I thought…"

Ross cut her short by taking her in his arms and patting her back reassuringly. "It's okay, Rachel. It's okay." While she tried to pull herself together she heard him say, "After all… having your friendship is a lot more than I ever hoped to get…" He paused for a second, drew back a little and looked at her before adding with a wry smile, "…when I was being realistic."

Rachel laughed between tears and hugged him even tighter, grateful beyond words for his understanding, his generosity.

"So we're gonna be friends?" Ross asked cheerily when her sniffling had appeared to have ceased.

"Yeah, we're gonna be friends, Ross." She said, smiling thankfully up at him.

"I'd like that. Although…"

Knowing what he might have in mind, she continued for him, "… it'd be fun for tonight, if we'd pretend we're more than that, just to ruffle a few feathers."

He chuckled. "Aren't you afraid of losing your… status?"

"I think I damaged that one severely already," she said with a shrug. "And it's only two more weeks, so what the hell."

………

They entered the main living room of the Zimmermann house arm in arm, drawing glances and prompting a lot of hushed conversation. Rachel lifted her chin even higher when she saw Chip glancing sulkily at her across the room.

She had just looked away when Ross tensed up beside her.

"Shit, I hadn't thought he would be here, too."

"Who?"

"Will," he nearly whispered. "Will Colbert."

Rachel chuckled. "I see, your pal from the 'I hate Rachel Green' club."

If that was even possible, Ross tensed even more. "How do you know about that?"

"Little bird told me."

"About the rumor, too?"

Rachel's smile turned a little sour at the mention of that one. "Yeah, about the rumor, too."

Ross looked down shamefaced while Rachel scanned the crowd for Will's strikingly handsome face and finally discovered its noticeably pudgier version sulking in some corner.

"Let's go to him and lighten his mood a little, shall we," she suggested, already dragging Ross behind her.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Rachel," Ross objected while half-heartedly resisting her determined tugging.

"I ought to apologize," she said firmly and then nearly fell on her face when Ross suddenly dug his heels in and came to an abrupt stop.

"What's with you all of a sudden? Do you have a terminal illness or something and want to clear up all your messes before you go?" he said that with a great deal of irritation and sarcasm, but she could detect a trace of honest concern about her mental well-being behind his words as well. There was also a great deal of worry about having to justify himself to his Rachel-hating friend. She raised an eyebrow.

"Come on, Ross. If I can do it, you can do it, too."

He trailed behind her unwillingly when she started to walk again, but not before grumbling, "Is it too late to reconsider being friends?"

By the time they had reached Will, he was shooting death-rays out of his pretty eyes. She put on her most disarming smile and said, "Will, how very nice to meet you here. Isn't this a great party?"

"No, and it just got a great deal worse," Will sneered.

"Will…" Ross tried lamely, "Man, you must have lost about 30 pounds."

"Twenty eight as of this morning," Will replied tersely, obviously uncomfortable to discuss the topic in her presence.

"Look, Will," Rachel took up the frayed thread of conversation after a few moments of awkward silence, "I know you hate me. I know you have a pretty good reason to. But we're not in high school anymore and I'm really sorry about how I behaved towards you."

"How touching," he retorted acidly.

Rachel looked down for a moment, searching for the right thing to say to take away his painfully obvious hatred of her and absent-mindedly noticed Will clutching a glass of mineral water so tight, his knuckles had turned white. 'He is afraid', was the first thought that struck her out of the blue. 'Afraid of me just having come here to make fun of him again.' The second realization was that his hatred of her was the driving force behind him wanting to lose weight.

Which right did she have to take that from him? Maybe he wouldn't get so dashingly handsome as he had been when she'd last seen him, if she made amends now. Then again, could she stand the knowledge of someone despising her like that? That he wouldn't have gotten over it even fifteen years from now?

"I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I hope that some day, you'll find it in you to forgive me," she said quietly and turned to go, realizing with a sigh that there were still things she'd come too late to mend.

"Rachel, wait," she heard Will's voice behind her when she was already a few steps away.

He was still fiercely clutching his glass but the raging hatred had gone out of his eyes and had been replaced by a sort of grim determination.

"It was me starting that rumor," he said with a challenge in his tone, obviously trying to get her to lash out at him. "About you being part male and female."

Her response was a plain, "I know. I doesn't matter." Reflecting on it, she found that it really didn't. It still felt like it had been a million years ago.

That took Will by surprise. "But…"

"You had your reasons," she cut him off. "I accept that."

Color shot back into his fingers when he relaxed his grip on his glass. He nodded thoughtfully.

"Maybe we're even then."

She smiled tentatively. "That'd be nice."

He hurriedly looked away from her at that and turned his gaze to Ross. "So you're dating her?" he asked in a flat voice, trying and failing to mask the unspoken accusation.

"No," Ross said hastily. "We're just friends."

At that, Rachel turned her head and looked at Ross, a little taken aback. He sure had gotten over this one fast.

………

After the incident with Will, they both needed a drink and then proceeded to look for what was left of the food. They wondered for a second why Monica wasn't where the food was when Rachel guiltily remembered that Monica was staying away from food on purpose… and according to her own advice.

She was just eying a grilled sausage speculatively, when she felt a hot, panting breath on her neck and turned to look at Monica, who was panting heavily and looked like she had run.

"Hey Mon, what's happened?"

"I just… wanted… to tell you… A few minutes… ago… a few guys… came… to this party… from… from… Queens," Monica managed to say, looking alarmingly like she might be going to pass out.

"Easy Mon," Rachel said, steering her panting friend to a chair. "What's so special about… " a sudden jolt went through her when Monica's words really sunk in. Queens. She remembered that party, recalled that there had been some guys who had come late at night, hit on a few of the girls and gotten themselves thrown out after one of them had tried to get into the pants of Josh's sixteen years old sister.

Joey.

She didn't even need to ask, it was like she could feel him, she just knew he was here.

"It's a bunch of really good looking guys, you know," Monica smiled, her breathing under control now. "Most of them, anyway."

"Rachel, what is it?" Ross asked, concerned, probably noticing that all color had drained out of her cheeks. A blinding flash of bright white light assaulted her senses, accompanied by fearsome shouts and sounds that left her completely disoriented and swaying on her feet. It only lasted a few seconds and she soon found herself on the chair Monica had vacated for her. Ross was looking at her with deep lines of concern etched into his forehead, probably reassessing his theory about her terminal illness. She was about to reassure him of her health, when the overwhelming feeling of being near to Joey came back to her again. She felt like falling, like flying, like crying and laughing. Like screaming and dancing.

Joey was alive… and he was here.

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A/N2: Sort of a mean cliffhanger, I know. But I'm working on speedier updates, now that the season where you just **have** to be outside slowly comes to an end. :) 


	4. Joey

**A/N: **Thanks to all my reviewers for constant encouragement. You guys keep me writing.**

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**Chapter 4: Joey**

When the world around her finally came into focus again, she took a few deep gulping breaths. There was a decision to make. Like before while talking to Will, there was this question of whether it was her place to change things that surely had happened for a reason, had started a chain of events that would be hopelessly muddled up if she interfered. Then again, she already had started to make different decisions, what more damage could it do to go and see Joey?

God! See Joey again. There wasn't even a question of whether or not she was going to do this. Even if she'd know that the world would combust as a result of her decision, it wouldn't make a difference. She needed to see him right now, she had to. Maybe that was the reason she had been brought back so far, maybe it hadn't been the professor's mistake. Maybe that was where she was supposed to go. This was her chance to turn everything around. Nothing else mattered anymore than to take that chance, right here, right now.

After her breathing became a bit more regularly, she smiled back at an almost panicked Ross. "I just got a bit dizzy, maybe I should… be getting a little fresh air. Where are those guys, Mon?"

"Over there…" Monica indicated over her shoulder, a deep frown on her face.

"I come with you," Ross announced.

Rachel smiled at him shakily. "I think I need to be alone for a few moments, Ross. I'll be back in a minute."

He nodded reluctantly and let her go.

Trying to spot Joey she had little attention to spare for anything else. Only when someone materialized right in front of her, did she look up puzzled, not a little annoyed at being kept from looking.

"Hello beautiful, what are you up to tonight?" she was asked with a suggestive leer. The man in front of her was towering over her, his bulky, muscular frame oddly mismatched to his rather boyish, pimpled face which sported a lewd expression.

Rachel did her best to bite back a nasty retort. "Any chance of you knowing one Joseph Tribbiani?" she asked instead.

The boy's face closed off and for an instead a look of pure contempt blazed out of his eyes, before he caught himself and looked at her with exaggerated pity.

"Aww, you're too late, honey," the guy said and Rachel heard a few chuckles around her, noticing a few of the guy's pals, following their exchange with interest. "He came with us, but as it is, I think right now he is coming with a girl, if you know what I mean."

Rachel knew that she was now probably supposed to blush and stammer and was sure that her eighteen year old self would have done just that, but right now, she felt more like laughing out loud. One of the reasons for her merriment being that with everything she knew, she could embarrass that brat in front of her ten times over without even thinking too hard about it. In a way that was something, she had dreamt about now and then, about giving a clever, witty retort that usually only came to mind after the chance of saying something had long passed.

"It certainly looks as if he's the only one of you who ever gets around to that, isn't he?" she said with a faux smile and ducked her way around the obstacle before the guy had understood what had hit him.

She weaved her way through the crowd and found herself in the kitchen once again, spotting a couple playing tonsil hockey in some corner, but after making sure that none of the participants was Joey, she decided to look outside.

After the warm, damp air in the house, where dozens of people filled the air with an unpleasant mix of scents, the cool, crisp evening air was so refreshing, she forgot her mission for a second. At first it seemed to be pitch-black outside, no lamps and partylights switched on, but after her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, she found that the brightly lit windows of the house gave off enough light for her to see where she was going. Inhaling deeply, she savored a trace of a flowery fragrance the wind carried over to her from the richly blooming bushes that framed the property.

The peacefulness of the situation was rudely interrupted by a shrill female voice, yelling at someone.

"Take your hands off me, you pig!" There was the distinct sound of a slap and then Susan Zimmermann, Josh's little sister, stomped across the lawn, coming from somewhere behind the bushes. In her fury, she almost ran Rachel over before noticing her.

"Hi Rachel, what are you doing out here?" she demanded, eyes still shooting daggers, face flushed.

Deciding that 'I was looking for the man you've just yelled at' would probably be the wrong answer, Rachel went for a safe, "Oh… I was just getting some fresh air."

Susan eyed her suspiciously before slowly asking, "Did you hear something?"

Finding the right reply to that question was a bit harder. Remembering Susan's history with leading boys on only to badmouth them afterwards in the worst possible way, it would probably be the best for Joey, if she could attest to the fact that no violence had been taking place. On the other hand she wanted to get rid off Susan sooner rather than later. "No, just came out," she said quickly.

Susan gave her another distrusting look and then slowly proceeded inside the house, probably looking for her brother.

When Rachel focused again on the task ahead, she found herself shaking. Not from the cold, but from the reality of the fact that she was about to see him. Alive.

She walked in the direction Susan had been coming from, and after rounding the first bush of roses, there he was. Silhouetted against the light coming from the house, he was sitting on the lawn, elbows resting on his knees, staring into space. In an instant she had taken in his appearance, the faded jeans and the black leather vest over a white T-shirt. His glossy black hair was growing long over the collar of his shirt in that dreadful eighties style, but thankfully, it wasn't too close cropped in the front so that a few wayward strands were still falling into his forehead just as they had when she had first met him. He completely took her breath away.

Her knees started to wobble under her even before another wave of blinding whiteness and ear-splitting noise cut through her senses. Although she wanted to cover her eyes and ears and block whatever was overpowering her, she felt helplessly unable to move. 'We're losing her', she heard a frantic voice yelling. 'Charge at three hundred and…'

"Hey, if you've come here to throw up, find yourself another spot. This one's taken," a distinctly unfriendly, but very familiar voice cut through her fit and brought her back to her senses. She was swaying again, but still standing.

"No, I was…," she started but stopped abruptly when she found herself hit by an unyielding stare out of stormily dark eyes. Plopping down onto the grass beside him unceremoniously, she kept staring back, mesmerized. Even in the near darkness she could see the sparkle that was always in his eyes, the fire that she had seen dying down that day fourteen years from now.

"I'm Rachel," she introduced herself when she realized she started to come across as weird.

"I'm Joe," he said at length and she had to bite her lip to keep herself from crying at hearing the sound of his voice. He sounded younger, his voice not the warm baritone she knew, but it was undoubtedly his voice. She folded her hands tightly together to keep herself from touching him, from convincing herself that he was real.

"So, you had too much to drink, huh?" he asked icily, turning back from her.

It was absurd, given that he didn't even knew her and had every reason to think she was drunk, staggering about as she was, but she felt hurt somehow.

"I'm not drunk!" she cried, wincing inwardly at the shrillness of her voice. A short quizzing glance was all she got from him in way of a response.

Taking a deep breath she tried to gather her wits. He didn't know her. He obviously wasn't falling head over heels in love with her just from seeing her. Which probably was a good thing although she couldn't shake a profound disappointment. Her only option as it seemed was making a little small-talk and letting history run its course.

"What do you want, Rachel?" he suddenly demanded when she was about to start asking how he liked the party. She was glad he had interrupted her because from what she had heard, it wasn't likely he was too happy about the party's outcome right now. "I'm not in the mood for another one of you high-school princesses," Joey continued before she had the time to come up with an answer. But instead of hurting her, his rudeness started to grate on her.

Belatedly she realized that he wasn't mad at her but simmering over Susan's rejection.

"Then why did you come to this party?" she asked smartly. "I'm sure you wanted the princesses, so don't complain if they don't want to… leave their castle."

"Smartass," he said with a snort and fell silent again.

Out of any idea how to start a conversation with the sulking individual beside her who was supposed to become the love of her life, she decided she might as well address a few practical matters.

"Susan has probably already told her brother. If you don't want to get into a fight tonight, you should hightail it out of here."  
Joey's interest was definitely picked. "She has an older brother?"

"Yup, this is their parents' house and he has a bunch of friends, eager to kick some Queen's boy's ass."

He groaned. "Oh great. Just my luck."

"I know how we can get out of here without anyone noticing."

Instead of jumping at her generous offer, Joe hesitated. "I have to get the others…"

"I'm sure they'll understand."

The words were barely out of her mouth when they heard some commotion coming from the back entrance of the house. That finally set him in motion.

"Okay, Rachel, I guess this is the right time for my getaway."

"Stay right behind me," she whispered and peered through the bush. Josh and a few of his friends were systematically searching the backyard.

She crept deeper into the bushes until they reached the fence.

"This is a dead end," Joey whispered.

"No there is a… ah here… come on Joey, hurry."

They crept through the little door in the fence, closed it behind them and headed for the street.

"I guess I'll wait for the others in the car," Joey said when they were a few yards away, "…thanks Rachel."

She mused at how strange it sounded to hear him call her Rachel. The last years, it had always been 'Rach'.

"You're welcome."

"Do you want to go back to the party?" he asked as if he felt obliged to make a bit of conversation with his savior. His heart didn't seem to be in it, though.

She tried to put him out of his misery.

"I have to, I came with a few friends, I've gotta go back to them."

She was convinced she could hear a relieved sigh, even though she hadn't seen it in the dark.

"So… then… see you around, Rachel."

As those words were spoken, a car went by them on the street, illuminating the scene. Illuminating him. And then she couldn't just let him vanish out of her life with the option to see him again six or seven years from now. It was completely inconceivable.

"I could keep you company while you wait for your friends," she said hastily.

He cocked his head a little to the side and mustered her for a moment, but then slowly nodded his head. "Okay."

They walked to the car in silence. Rachel didn't feel like talking, at all, but she knew it would become awkward pretty soon. The vehicle with which Joey and his friends had come was an old pickup with the company logo of Joe Sr.'s plumbing company on it.

"Your dad's car?" she asked, excited at a possible topic for a little small-talk.

Again he looked at her puzzled. "I didn't tell you my last name."

Shit, busted.

"Uh… I asked the guys you came with who the good looking man was they came with and they said something to the effect that every girl wants Joey Tribbiani. So I figured since you're a bit young for your own business, it would be your father's car."

He snorted a bit and opened the driver's side of the car, then opened the other door from the inside. It hurt her to see that he wasn't even interested in her. In a way, it was reassuring to know that at least this would change with time.

For now, it was enough just to be near him.

"So, you work with your dad?" she tried again.

"Yup."

"But it's not what you really want to do, is it?"

Joey let out an explosive, exasperated sigh.

"You're trying too hard, princess. I'm not interested in smart girls, I'm not interested in small talk. If you want something, just say it."

The laughter that bubbled up inside didn't even so much come from herself, it was like her younger self laughed at him, but she joined her, because even in this uncomfortable situation, she was just happy to have him back.

"You're quite something, Joey. Really charming."

He had meanwhile gone back to quiet sulking.

"Don't call me Joey," he grumbled. "My name is Joe. Only my… no one is allowed to call me Joey."

Interesting, she thought, the man who could never really hide the child inside of him was trying so hard to be a grown up.

"Okay … _Joe_," she said, stressing his name. She just couldn't stop smiling. It was hard enough not to blurt out how happy she was to see him.

He stole a few glances at her and suddenly asked, "You seem familiar somehow. Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Maybe from another life."

No sooner were the words out of her mouth when she wanted to kick herself for her stupidity. This kind of flippancy was something even the older Joey hadn't responded well to, let alone the grumpy younger version of him.

"I'm sorry Joe, I'm really not trying to be smart, I don't know what's up with me tonight. It's just… I feel like I know you, too. You know, normally I wouldn't even talk to a stranger like that… or get in a car with him. There is something about you… "

She trailed off when she noticed the look in his eyes. He wasn't laughing and he wasn't angry. He looked as if it really mattered to him what she was saying. She lifted her hand tentatively and lightly touched his face, almost flinching at the wave of emotions that surged through her at the contact. It was even more electrifying to see that he had felt it too.

"You're special," she whispered, her hand still resting on his cheek. "Don't let anyone ever tell you anything else." Her heart stopped beating when he leaned in, closing the space between them, obviously trying to kiss her. He surely didn't waste much time. Then again, he never had.

Milliseconds before their lips would have met, someone ripped the door of the car open.

"Nice one, Joe," the intruder sniped. "You leave us there to handle the trouble you caused and you're sitting here making out with another one of those 'don't touch me' girls."

Joey looked a bit dazed and unfocused, as if he couldn't quite grasp what his friend was saying. Rachel sympathized because she felt as out of touch with reality as he looked.

"Start the car and let's get the hell out of here," Joey's friend yelled at him, finally breaking them out of their stupor, while the other ones climbed into the backseats.

Rachel jumped out of the car and made room for the impatient yelling one who turned out to be the pimpled giant, who she had been bitchy to before. Joey started the engine and then, suddenly completely alone on the side of the street, Rachel turned to walk back to the house again.

But instead of the car driving away, it came veering towards her in reverse gear.

"Rachel, wait," Joey shouted from the window he had rolled down. "Tell me your last name."

With her heart in her throat she stammered, "Green."

"I'm Rachel Green," she said with a stronger voice a few seconds later, but by then, the car had already sped away.

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tbc 


	5. Young Rachel

**A/N: **This is more like an interlude than a chapter, but it introduces an important "character", so it stands on its own. Enjoy.**

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Chapter 5: Young Rachel

For almost half an hour she had been standing at the window in her room, looking out into the pitch black night.

When she had gone back to the party, Monica and Ross had been crazy with worry, considering the fact that she had been missing while one of the Queens boys, who had supposedly tried to rape Josh's sister, was on the loose. It had taken her a long while to convince them that Joey wasn't a bad guy, that he hadn't tried to rape anyone, especially not her. She had kept quiet about the fact that she wanted to see him again and that she suspected – hoped – he wanted that too.

Now she stood here, arguing with herself, or rather with her younger self. She had begun to hear the voice inside her head when she was alone and had started to think about what had happened that day. At first she was convinced that she was really going crazy now, but soon enough she realized that the essence of the person she had been fourteen years ago hadn't just vanished. She was still there; she had been stunned for a few hours by what had happened to her, but now she was back and she wanted answers. Although her priorities seemed a bit off.

'_Do you want to sleep with him?'  
_

'Of course I want to. Don't you think he's gorgeous?'

'_He is… cute, but so is Chip and you broke up with him.'_

'Chip is a jerk, he already cheated on you and he will again. Besides, doing stuff with him was always more horrible than anything else. Where do you think this will go anyway?'

'_Well, prom's in two weeks and he was my date. Thanks to you, now I have no one.'_

'Go with Joey.'

'_Are you nuts? He's not from our school I don't even know him or like him and to top that off, everyone thinks he's a rapist. I'm not going with him.'_

'You could go with Ross, he would be happy.'

'_Ah yeah, I almost forgot, we're friends with Mon's nerdy older brother now.'  
_

'Hey, Ross is a great guy, it would do you some good not to always look at the surface of people, princess.'

'_That's rich coming from someone who gets all wobbly legged from seeing some cute Italian guy.'_

'He's not just a pretty face, you know.'

'_Yeah, apparently, he's _special_.'_

'Ah, what do you know?'

'_I know that my thirty three years old self kidnapped my body and is now ruining my life.'  
_

'Trust me, I'm not ruining it.'

'_Why didn't you sleep with that guy in your time, why do you have to use me?'_

'This is not just about sleeping with him.'

'_That is _so_ not true. You know, all the stuff you made me feel when you looked at that guy, when you touched him and when you almost kissed him? I never felt that with any of the guys I had been with before. Not even when I was actually kissing them.'  
_

'See, that's why they weren't the right ones. You made out with them but you never felt a thing. You had you first orgasm while having sex with a guy when you were twenty five. Although being with that guy was a mistake too.'

'_And you're sure being with Joey won't be? I mean, he seems to be pretty full of himself.'_

'Just on the outside. He is one of the sweetest men I ever knew.'

'_You're talking as if you're dead.'_

'I think I am.'

'_I'm gonna die at thirty three?'_

'Not if I can help it.'

'_So I'm stuck with you?'_

'I don't know.'

'_I'd hate that. You're so… _old_.'_

'I could help you, I could prevent you from making mistakes.'

'_I'd rather do things without someone butting in all the time. I get enough of that from my parents already.'_

'Don't you see what you are? You are a spoiled little… princess. Your dream is to marry some rich man… doctor, dentist, lawyer… whom you meet at college, and then to live your life spending his money, instead of you father's money that you're spending now. You will end up as unhappy as your mother.'

'_My mother is not unhappy.'_

'Trust me, she is. She married a man she never loved. Just for the money, and the prestige and the security. You were about to make the same mistake, but you were smart enough to turn tail and run, before you screwed up your life.'

'_What was he?'_

'Orthodontist.'

'_What? And I left him?'_

'You left him at the altar.'

'_You left him, I never would've done this.'_

'Trust me, you would. After wasting three years of your life on a man whom you found out later you weren't really in love with, who didn't love you and who cheated on you with your maid of honor… you would.'

'_And you're sure everything is gonna be better with Joey? He seems to be chasing after girls a lot.'_

'Yeah he is, and no, I'm not sure. But I know he's worth a try. You should give him a chance.'

'_What about Ross? I felt some pretty intense emotions there too. What's gonna be with him?'_

'I'm not gonna tell you that. I think I told you too much already. But Ross… he's a great guy. He'll always be there for you. He and his sister. Don't abandon Monica, don't forget about her. She's the best friend you're ever going to have.'

'_I would never…'_

'Don't say that so much… never. Never is a long time.'

'_So … you didn't answer my question. Why didn't you go out with Joe in your time?'_

'Because when I realized I wanted to… he died. And I… I'm responsible.'

'_So you were sent here to… make it better somehow?'_

'It's a lot more complicated. I don't even know why I went back so far. I was supposed to go back to a few minutes before the accident, when I still could've prevented him from… '

She stopped mid-sentence, trying to prevent the pictures of his horrible death from flitting through her mind, but she couldn't quite stop the overwhelming sense of pain, guilt and loss from cutting through her as sharply as ever.

'_Stop that… please… please… this… hurts. God… how could you live with that pain?'_

'I couldn't. That's basically why I'm here.'

'_So that's why you were so ridiculously happy to see him. You know… if this means so much to you… do it. But try to… remember that I'm still here.'_

'Thanks… and I'm sorry for ruining you prom. I'll try to listen what you have to say. But I really need to…'

'_I know… I mean, I'm kinda curious about all the… excitement you let me feel before. And… he _is_ gorgeous after all.'_

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tbc 


	6. TOW the Parents

**A/N: **Enjoy and review.**

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Chapter 6: TOW the parents**

The next morning started with an angry protest in her head.

'_How crazy are you? It's seven thirty in the morning and it's Sunday. I'm going to sleep for at least another three hours.'_

'I'm used to getting up early and I want to go for a run with Monica anyway, so if you don't want to get up, go back to sleep, I only need your body.'

'_And God knows what you're gonna do with it while I'm not watching, forget it.'_

'Look at the bright side, Jill's not hogging the bathroom.'

When she jumped down the stairs and went into the kitchen to get a glass of juice, her parents were already there, looking at her oddly.

"Morning," she said cheerily, trying to backpedal out of there again since she had the strongest feeling she was interrupting something.

"Good morning Rachel," her parents greeted back, "Why don't you stay for a while?"

"Uh… I was planning on going for a run with Monica."

"A propos of Monica… her mother called half an hour ago, telling me a truly horrible story about what happened yesterday at that party."

"Nothing happened at that party, dad. Susan was a bitch to one of these guys from Queens and then she told everyone he had tried to rape her. This is actually not the first time she's pulled something like that."

Too late she realized that actually this _was_ the first time Susan had done something like that. Obviously she had started to like the attention and the pity it got her, so there would be more unfortunate guys pegged as rapists before it occurred to someone to ask why this was always happening to Susan.

"Are you telling me that Susan Carpenter, the daughter of my dear colleague, is lying and some 'guy from Queens' is telling the truth?"

'_If you're smart, you don't get in a fight with him about that, or I can kiss my prom good bye.'_

Rachel took a deep breath. She would've loved to tell her father exactly what was the truth, but for her younger self's sake, she kept quiet.

"Judy told me you spent time with the rapist," her mother said.

Great. She had always envied Ross and Monica for their relationship with their parents, but they had taken it way too far with this. Although the thought of how charmed her mother had been once by the 'rapist' had her biting back a grin.

"He's not a rapist. Mom, try to see it logically. That guy is, like, a foot taller than Susan and probably twice as strong. If he had wanted to do what everyone thinks he did, trust me, there's no way Susan would've gotten the upper hand. I actually saw what happened. He tried to kiss her and then she slapped him. That was all."

'_Thank you so much. You just couldn't keep quiet, could ya?'_

'Oh shut up and learn how this is done.'

"So you're not denying talking to him?" her father pressed.

"No, I'm not because I did talk to him and it was a nice conversation."

"Well, this shows me very clearly that you're not able to judge the danger of the situations you're getting yourself into. This means, you're not leaving this house except for going to school at least for a month young lady."

"I'm grounded?"

"Yes, you are."

"Okay, but… you might want to explain that to Mrs. Geller."

"Explain what?"

"The Gellers were very happy for me to take Mon for a run every morning. You know, she has a few problems with her weight. They're gonna be disappointed."

"I'm not keeping you from doing something for your health. If you're taking Monica Geller with you, do it. I'm talking more about your after school activities."

"About that… did I tell you I broke up with Chip Matthews?"

"And this is of interest why?"

"He was my prom date. And now that I've broken up with him, I was planning on going to the prom with Ross Geller. You know, he's adorable, he already goes to college and he is very nice and respectable. But I guess now I have to cancel on him."

With satisfaction she watched her parents struggle with their decision. She already knew she had won.

'_Nice, you're blackmailing your own parents. Why didn't I think of that?'_

'Because you wouldn't have dared pull something like this. And mostly because you don't know yet how much they want to keep up the appearance of a happy family.'

'_I'll keep that in mind.'_

"Rachel, you're grounded. But I don't want to ruin your prom, so… if you're going with the son of the Gellers, you can go. Other than that, you're staying at home."

"Okay dad, thank you so much."

She was almost out the door, when her dad called her back again. "I don't want you to see that boy from Queens ever again. If you do, you can forget your prom, do you understand?"

"Yes, daddy, I understand."

Her anger fueled her movements and she was out of the door in a few seconds.

'_That didn't go as well as you had planned, did it?'_

'It went well enough, I saved the running and I saved the prom, the rest comes later.'

'_I could've lived without the running.'_

'Yeah, I know. That is the reason why we had chubby ankles for the next ten years.'

………….

When she rang the bell at the house of the Gellers, Ross opened it in a hilarious tracksuit.

"Good Morning Rachel," he smiled brightly, "Monica is already changing."

If telling him she wanted to have him as her friend had been good for one thing, it was that he was now actually able to talk to her without stuttering.

"Great."

Monica already came down the stairs, beaming. "We're really doing this every day now?"

"Of course we are. I told you."

"Well…"

"I know, things I say … but I'll try, okay?"

"Okay, let's run. Gotta show this Chandler guy Ross's fat sister next Thanksgiving."

Rachel stopped dead in her tracks at that memory. "You're still mad at him?"

"Rachel, he called me fat!"

An exasperated voice started to hiss at her in her head. _'Seriously? Do you suffer from amnesia? Don't you remember how broken up she was about that? I think she's our all time best friend?'_

'Yeah she is but… you know… so is Chandler,' she gave back defensively, while Monica stared at her curiously since she hadn't said anything.

'_That idiot?'_ her young self cried.

'He isn't…I've gotta talk to Monica.'

"I know Mon, but… maybe he's sorry."

"I don't care."

Rachel contemplated telling her that she was talking about her future husband. But at that moment it occurred to her how much that could change things for them. They might not even fall in love at all. She hadn't come here to change all their lives. Her goal was to save Joey's. Maybe the rest had to happen just the way it did before.

"You're right, it was pretty mean of him to say that."

"Exactly and now… with your help… I'm gonna get thin and beautiful and then he's gonna

be so sorry."

"He will be, Mon. I know he will be."

* * *

tbc 


	7. TOW The Lesson

**A/N:** My reviewers are the best. Without you guys, I would have forgotten by now that two of my stories are still in sore need of regular updates. So, this is for you. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

**_Chapter 7: The Lesson_**

The next Monday Rachel had picked Monica up for a run again, surprised how fast Monica seemed to get used to the exertion. She had always admired that on her. When Monica had set her mind on something, she wasn't likely to give up on it.

School had been… interesting. For the first time in a week she was thankful for the eighteen years old voice in her head. Otherwise, she would've embarrassed herself completely. Not only did she have a hard time remembering the names of her classmates and teachers, she also completely failed to follow the material they were discussing in the classes.

So after a while, she sat back and let young Rachel do her talking. It amazed her what a brilliant girl she seemed to be. It made her wonder why she had so few ambitions to live up to her potential.

Chips constant attempts to make her jealous were a source of growing amusement. When he demonstratively put his arms around Amy Welch upon seeing Rachel come into his direction, she couldn't resist anymore.

"Oh Chip, you're with Amy now," she said, faking enthusiasm. "I'm so happy for you two. And Amy, good luck honey. This man is going to work in the movie theater and live in his parents basement for the rest of his life so…" she made a two thumps up gesture, accompanied by a wide grin and left the not so happy couple dumbfounded in her wake.

'Ha!'

'_Is that true?'_her inner voice asked meekly.

'Yeah it is. Mon went out with him when she was about 29 and he had still done nothing with his life and probably wasn't intending to either. He's a loser. A good looking one, but a loser.'

'_To my defense, I wasn't exactly looking for a future husband, okay?'_

'I know. But you have a knack for going for the wrong men and he was the first.'

Monica caught up with her when she headed out of the building. "I still can't believe you broke up with Chip, everyone thinks you're crazy."

"Maybe I am, but before everyone thought I was stupid for not noticing what was going on with him and all the other girls. I have my pride."

Monica gave her a sideway glance and she looked rather undecided on the subject of whether Rachel was crazy or stupid. Finally, she apparently decided to change topics.

"Do you have any plans for today? I wanted to go look at the clothes I'm going to buy when I lose at least 20 pounds."

Rachel heaved a sigh. "I'd love to, but I'm grounded." She turned to look at Monica and gave her a meaningful stare. "Because… certain friends of mine had to tell their parents about me talking with Joey."

Now Monica was the one sighing, looking a little guilty. "I never would've said a word, but Ross…"

Rachel cut her off with a wave of her hand. "I know," she said. "I had a feeling it had been Ross."

They trudged along their way in awkward silence of a while before Monica spoke again.

"Are you still planning on getting the nose job you were talking about?"

Rachel winced. Even after almost a week of being eighteen again, she still flinched every time she looked into a mirror.

"Yeah, definitely," she said with great feeling. "But I guess now would be a bad time to ask my dad for the money."

Monica chuckled. "I think so."

Again they walked in silence for a while, but this time it felt more comfortable. That is, until Rachel had the feeling someone was watching her. The distinct feeling of a set of eyes burning holes into her back finally prompted her to turn and look across the street.

There he was. Dressed in his trademark attire of worn blue jeans, white t-shirt and black leather vest, he leaned nonchalantly against his car, watching her from under half-lidded eyes. A few strands of ink black hair fell into his forehead, giving him an air of just the right mixture of dangerous and irresistible.

He looked simply breathtaking. Literally.

All air was suddenly squeezed out of her lungs and her heart stopped beating. Just like back at the party, she had the strongest feeling she was dying. Again she was assaulted by bright light behind her eyelids, the clattering of metal and a cacophony of voices. _Charge at four hundred… and clear._

She swayed and stumbled, then grabbed Monica's arm for support.

"Oh my God, Rachel, what's wrong?"

Rachel took a deep, steadying breath and let go of Monica's arm. "Just got a bit dizzy," she said and then gave Monica a reassuring smile. "It's nothing serious."

Monica looked doubtful. "You sure?"

Rachel nodded and then inclined her head in Joey's direction. "Do you see the guy leaning against that car over there?"

A startled gasp came from Monica after she'd turned her head. "Oh… oh my God he is… so cute."

"That's him… that's Joey."

With a speed belying her weight, Monica turned back to her. "That's him?" she whispered in that typical way of hers, which meant that probably even Joey could hear her on the other side of the street. Then she turned to look at him again. "Wow, no wonder you wanted to talk to him he is… wow."

"I want to go over to him. Okay?"

Monica nodded, a little distractedly as it seemed. "What about you being grounded?" she asked just when Rachel was about to go.

Rachel looked at her pleadingly. "Could you…"

With a melodramatic sigh, Monica threw her hands in the air. "All right," she said. "I'll cover for you. If your mother calls, I tell her you had to work on something in school so you will be late."

"Thanks Mon, thank you so much."

She hugged Monica briefly and then all but ran over the street.

"Hi Joe," she greeted him, a little out of breath.

His eyes glittered with amusement and he took his sweet time before he reacted to her greeting.

"Hi princess."

His voice was a deep drawl, obviously used for effect. Rachel bit her tongue to keep herself from laughing. Then again, she was delighted that he tried to impress her.

"Are you waiting for someone?" she asked.

"I was waiting for you."

She gave him a wide smile. "Really?"

He shrugged a little and then his studied posture faltered a little and he looked alarmingly like at any moment now he'd start to shuffle his feet.

"I sort of wanted to apologize for being a jerk two days ago. You were nothing but nice and I…"

"It's okay," she said after it was clear he wasn't going to finish his sentence. "I wasn't mad at you. I knew you were bummed out about Susan."

His eyes glittered again. This time with anger. "That bitch."

Rachel nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, that she is. She told everyone you were trying to rape her."

Joey's cool demeanor now vanished completely into agitated, hot-blooded gesturing. "That's so not true."

"I know, but I could barely convince my friends of that, let alone the whole school. Thankfully they don't know how you look."

He sighed and looked away from her. "Thanks for the heads-up. I guess I shouldn't show my face around here too much in the future."

Rachel looked at him steadily, until his gaze finally found hers again.

"I wouldn't mind seeing it," she said with a smile.

He scrutinized her for a few moments and then a wide smile lit up his face. "You up for a ride, or is that too dangerous for you?"

"Well, I already got grounded for talking to you, let's find out what my parents are gonna do if they find out I got into your car."

He frowned. "Is that a yes or a no?"

"I'm afraid it's a yes."

With courteous flourish, he opened the passenger door for her. "Your majesty… my humble carriage is all yours."

Rachel hadn't decided yet if she was annoyed or amused, therefore she just lifted her chin and climbed into the dusty seat without another comment.

"You're a bad princess," Joey said after while, when the car was already in motion. "Daddy will be disappointed."

She decided it might be fun playing his game. "So if I'm a princess, what are you? The knight in shining armor?"

Joey seemed to seriously ponder the question for a while. "No, that's not it. I'm more like… I guess there are no guys like me in fairy tales."

"You could be the dragon who has a maiden delivered to him every Sunday for breakfast."

He laughed. Rachel's heart gave an almost painful lurch at the sound.

"I sort of like that," he said then. "Being a dragon, having all those virgins."

"I didn't say they were virgins."

Joey lifted his brows and gave her a meaningful look, accompanied by a wide grin. "Dragon's gotta have his standards."

Rachel sighed dramatically. "And virgins it is."

He turned to her leering. "Do I get to eat the princess, too?"

She looked at him sternly, doing her best to suppress a smile. "Demanding the princess always leads to a dead dragon."

The angry honking of a car behind them alerted both of them to the fact that they had completely missed the traffic light turning green.

"How's that?" he asked after they had cleared the crossing with squealing tires.

"Well, the princess's father, you know, the king, he's not that happy about someone having his daughter for breakfast."

"So this is where the knight comes into the story, am I right?"

"No. At first the king tries to save his daughter by locking her up in the castle."

Joey raised his eyebrow, having understood the parallel far more quickly than his older counterpart would have. "For how long are you grounded?"

"Four weeks."

"Just because you were talking to me?"

She found it sad that his question was missing the outrage she would have expected. For some reason, her parents' reaction seemed to surprise her more than it surprised him.

"Yup," she bit out.

"I guess it wouldn't be too bright then to drop you off in front of your house, right?"

"No, it wouldn't. At least not if we want to see each other again sometime."

His eyes were almost round when he looked over to her again. "Do we?" he asked incredulously.

"I don't know about you, but I do."

Joey shook his head, chuckling to himself. "You're different."

"Is that a compliment?"

"In a way. All the other girls from you school are all about playing hard to get and stuff."

"I like to say what's on my mind," she said tartly, peeved at his mention of other girls. "That doesn't mean I'm easy. I'm just saying I'd like to spend time with you."

"Okay, let's."

The car came to an abrupt halt, pressing Rachel into the safety belt.

"Smooth landing," she muttered under her breath.

They were standing on a street beside a park and Joey was busy getting something from the backseat of his car.

He came back with a worn blanket and Rachel had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing. Still, a smothered giggle escaped her and Joey glared at her.

She put her hands over her face and sigh dramatically. "I'm not saying anything, I swear, I'm not."

"Now that it's already in your head, you might as well say it."

Her hands fell to her sides and she took a pointed look at the blanket and then at him. "Okay so, how many girls have lost their virginity on this blanket?"

"A few. But I swear, there is no blood on it … at least, not anymore."

"Oh please," she groaned. "I didn't want to know that."

"So what about the blanket?"

"Leave it in the car. We can sit on a bench."

"Might get uncomfortable," he said with a leer and in case she wasn't catching his drift, also wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

He was a far cry from the accomplished seducer he'd been fourteen years later.

"We're not doing it today," Rachel said, making sure her tone marked that statement as non-negotiable.

"But we're gonna, right?" he asked, more like this was a fact he only needed her to confirm. "I wouldn't want to waste my time."

Love of her life or not, she was not about to let him get away with so much self-centered arrogance.

"You can be such a jerk, you know that?"

"What can I say, you bring that out in me."

She sighed. "Aren't we a match made in heaven? You bring out my inner bitch, and I bring out your inner jerk. Wonderful."

"It's that 'saying what's on you mind' thing you have going on, it's kinda infectious."

"It doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the fact that you seem to be on a schedule here. That's not gonna fly with me. So if you think this means wasting your time, drop me off at school again and we're good."

"I'm really tempted because I have a feeling I'm getting myself into a lot of trouble with you."

"Okay then…"

"But… I have a knack for getting into trouble. Wouldn't want to miss out on this."

She smiled up at him and he smiled back. Then he tossed the blanket back into the car, locked it and took her hand.

"Let's find a bench."

…..

They found a nice one under a big tree that was a bit off the beaten paths.

"Perfect," she sighed and sat down. He put his arm around her awkwardly and she snuggled a bit against him, unable to keep herself from breathing in his scent.

It was him. The thought still had the potential to make her shiver.

"Everything alright?" he asked and right in this moment he sounded so much like he had fourteen years later, she forgot where she was.

"Yeah Joey, I'm fine."

"Why do you keep calling me that?" he asked with a sliver of anger in his voice.

"I'm sorry, it's just… it seems fitting for you somehow."

"It's the name of a little boy."

"No, it's what people call someone they like. Most of my friends are calling me Rach."

"Can I?"

"Only if you're not gonna be mad at me if I call you Joey sometimes."

"Alright," he said at last. "But try to keep it down when my friends are around, okay."

She snuggled closer. "Okay."

They were silent for a while until Rachel felt the need to start the conversation again.

"Only your family calls you Joey, right?"

"Unfortunately. My sisters…"

He trailed off, biting his lip. His sisters never had been a problematic topic for the man she knew, she wondered, why he didn't want to talk about them now.

"You have sisters?" she said, trying to sound sympathetic. "I have two, awful bitches, both of them."

Joey stared at nothing in particular. After a while, Rachel was sure he wasn't going to answer her question.

"I have seven," he said quietly. It sounded as if it was a curse, something awful that weighed him down somehow. How could that be so different from how it used to be in the future? He loved his sisters, adored them and was protective of them. What had happened?

"Wow, seven sisters," she said. "And how many brothers?"

Again he was silent for much longer than necessary.

"None."

The one softly spoken word was a sentence of its own. And Rachel suddenly knew what the problem was.

"You're your parents' only son? No wonder your dad wants you in his business so bad."

She bit her lip and winces as soon as the words had left her mouth, but thankfully Joey seemed to agitated to notice.

"Hey, it's not my fault that he only made girls," he said, his whole body stiffening beside her. "That doesn't mean I owe him for the rest of my life."

"Of course not," Rachel said and luckily, he relaxed again. "Tell me, what would you like to do, if you weren't in your father's business?"

He shook his head.

"I promise I won't tell anyone."

She watched with trepidation as his wish to tell her battled with his need to guard his dream. It took him so long, she started contemplating just confronting him with his wish to be an actor but figured this would freak him out. This had to be weird enough for him as it was.

"I did a bit of theater in high school," he finally said, his voice almost inaudibly low. "I… I guess I would like to try to make it as an actor."

He did not look at her, just stared ahead, his body rigid as if he was only waiting for her to start laughing.

"Then why don't you?" she asked softly.

The tension in his body evaporated and now he was the one laughing. Although he didn't sound amused.

"Phh… princess… you have no idea. I would be completely on my own. I would have to pay for acting classes and head shots and you need an agent…and… it's just not possible."

"You seem to have already put some thought into this to know all this stuff."

"Yeah. And it convinced me that it's not more than a silly dream."

An aching sadness clustered around her heart as she looked at him. Not because of what he went through right now, but because of the fact that she hadn't known that about him. She knew he had turned his back on his father's business to try to make it as an actor, but she never considered how big of a step this must have been for him, how many doubts he had gone through to reach this decision.

"I want to get a job in fashion after college," she said into the oppressing silence. "Work for a designer or a big fashion label."

Joey nodded. "I'm sure that's gonna happen. You're parents are rich."

"You know… Joe… they are. But I want to do this on my own. I don't want to live on my father's credit cards for the rest of my life. I want to have my own credit cards someday."

"You can always get the ones from your husband."

Her younger self seemed to contemplate that for a while, especially since she had howled in protest at the thought of not having her father's credit cards for the rest of her life. But her older self knew better.

"That isn't what I want. I want to be on my own."

"It's a scary world out there," he mused.

"But… you know… we're not the only ones scared by this world. If you find someone, a friend… a roommate, who you can talk to about your fears, it gets easier with time."

"You talk about this as if you're sure it will happen."

"I am sure Joey. And… I'm so sure you could make it… as an actor. You're a good looking guy, every soap opera would be happy to have you. It wouldn't be easy at first, granted, but if this is what you really want, what you're passionate about, there's no reason it can't happen."

He shifted a bit and turned to look at her. His dark eyes were burning into hers and she saw so many questions in them, so many insecurities, she wished she could tell him exactly how well everything would turn out for him. At least until she would manage to get him killed.

"I don't think there's anything I'd want more than this. But I… "

"You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe you can do it. If you can't convince even yourself, you won't convince anyone else."

"Can I convince you?"

"You already have. Like I said, you're cute. If I would be a casting director, you could get a job from me any time."

'_Where do you think all this flattery is going to get you?'_

'Into his heart.'

'_Oh boy. I thought you're a grown up.'_

The voice in her head went silent when Joey lifted his hand and gently pushed a strand of hair out of her face. She couldn't do a thing against the tears welling up in her eyes at that painfully familiar gesture.

She took a shuddering breath to keep herself from crying while he kept caressing her face.

He leaned towards her and pressed a short kiss on her lips, obviously trying to see how she would react. She was glad he couldn't see every one of her reactions, because the feeling of his lips against hers, even if it was short and slightly awkward, had awakened all the needs she had spent months to nurture after he had died. She had daydreamed of what it would be like, how it would feel, how he would make her feel. Back then, it was an especially cruel way to torture herself.

But now she had the opportunity to make all these fantasies come alive.

When he kissed her again after she hadn't given the impression she had any objections, she realized that reality couldn't hold a candle to her fantasies.

Joey was a terrible kisser.

'_He isn't any better than Chip'_, young Rachel remarked dryly.

'Good for him that I'm better than you,' she hissed back.

She pulled back and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Wow, you're really trying to eat me, aren't you?"

"Any complaints?" he asked grimly.

"Not quite, but…" she brought her hand to his face and tentatively traced his lips with her index finger, " … would you mind me showing you how I would like to be kissed?"

His expression lightened up a bit and he nodded. A hint of surprise stood in his eyes when she climbed into his lap so their faces were on the same level.

She took the opportunity to trace the lines of his face, to compare it to the face she knew, the face that she saw every night in her dreams.

It was the same face, a bit more delicate around the jaw, a bit less stubbly, less manly.

But his lips, his nose, his eyebrows, his eyes, they were the same. She would've been content just touching him like that, just looking at him.

'_What about the kissing?'_ the voice in her head asked curiously.

'Right,' she snapped out of her musings and brought her mouth to his face and gently kissed the corner of his mouth. Then she teasingly brushed her lips against his, only a fleeting caress. It was a test, she wanted to see if he would let her do it her way, or if he would lose patience.

When he didn't, she let her lips linger on his a bit longer. For the next kiss she parted her lips slightly and she didn't draw her mouth away for a while. Now his lips didn't feel as hard and demanding anymore like they had before. They were exactly like she had imagined them to be. Soft and smooth, sweet and incredibly inviting. She flicked the tip of her tongue over them quickly, which seemed to be something that took him by surprise, judging from his barely audible gasp. He had obviously been thinking she would continue with the teasing kisses. Well, if that was the case, he was in for an even bigger surprise.

She traced his bottom lip with her tongue and then gently nipped at it with her teeth, which prompted him to gasp again. The next time she bit down a bit harder, immediately soothing the abused skin with her lips and tongue. She felt his hands that had been on her waist the entire time gripping her slightly harder than before. He definitely liked that.

The fact that he so willingly let her take the lead surprised her at first, but when she thought about it, it wasn't surprising at all. Joey had never been opposed to learning something new, especially not when it came to this. Oh, the possibilities.

She enticed him to open his mouth a bit further and slipped her tongue inside for a second, drawing back the moment she touched his. This time, both of them gasped at the contact.

There was no denying that her control over this was noticeably slipping, but since she wasn't done yet, she tried to stay focused.

Speaking of control, it was astonishing that he was still that passive, despite the way his fingers were now almost painfully digging into her waist.

When their tongues met again, she didn't draw away. They were kissing like that for a while until she pulled back again.

It took him a few moments to open his eyes. He apparently was waiting for her to continue.

When she didn't and just kept smiling at him, his hands traveled up her back, making her arch into his touch involuntarily. He buried his hand into her hair and brought his face close to hers, repeating what she had just done with him.

And sure enough, he had learned his lesson flawlessly, he was already varying the elements, adding a few of his own here and there. In short, bringing her close to give up on control in a matter of minutes. When her last grasp at control threatened to slip, she pulled back abruptly.

"Wow," she panted, "You sure learn fast."

He grinned proudly, very much out of breath himself. "Like they say, it only takes the right teacher."

As he moved in to kiss her again, she climbed off his lap and brought a bit distance between them.

"I have to get home."

"Why?" Joey and the young girl inside her asked in unison.

"Because I'm grounded and we won't see each other again for the next four weeks if I'm not home when my father gets back from work so… I'm really sorry but I have to go."

"I'm dropping you off at your friend's, I guess she is covering for you, right?"

"Yeah, Monica said she would cover for me."

"Monica… is that the fat girl who was with you when you walked home?"

The sudden anger at his derisive comment was a welcome distraction from her arousal.

"Hey, watch what you say about my friend. I'm not gonna let you call her fat."

"She is," he said with a shrug.

"It's not all she is and it hurts her when people call her that. It's like when people call you dumb."

The moment the words were out of her mouth she wished she could take them back. There was no mistaking that she had hit the sore spot exactly. The times when he was able to joke about that were apparently still a few years away.

"How do you know that?"

"I don't know anything, it was just an example. I know you're a fast learner."

"Damn right I am," he grinned and she heaved a sigh of relief.

"Although I think I need a bit more practice."

She silently agreed with him. Then the dilemma involving her parents was brought to her attention by the younger voice in her head.

"I can try to be at Monica's tomorrow… say… at seven?"

He smiled his wide, devastating smile, his perfect white teeth gleaming and his eyes sparkling with the joy at a victory he probably thought he'd earned so easily.

"Okay, I'll be there."

Mesmerized, she just nodded and then leaned in for a last kiss.

* * *

tbc

Please review.


	8. TOW the Gellers

**A/N: **Surprise! I am still living. And writing, too. Only that lately, non-fanfiction projects are occupying what little free time I have, so fanfiction has to take the backseat. Incidentally, I received a very nice review for this story today and thought about how to speed up the posting process. I decided to cut a few scenes that were supposed to be a lot more elaborate and descriptive. So if you will in later chapters read stuff that sounds like a synopsis, it's me being lazy. I still hope you'll enjoy it.

**A/N2:** Content warning. Rating M

* * *

**Chapter 8: TOW the Gellers **

Ten minutes later they had been at the house of the Geller's, kissing in the car as if there was no tomorrow. She eventually managed to tear herself away from him and jumped out of his car, looking after it until it vanished around the bend.

While she slowly walked up to the front door of the house, she tried to come up with an idea how to proceed.

She hadn't even knocked, when the door flew open and revealed Ross with a look of horror on his face, Monica crying and her parents looking angry.

Judy Geller was the first one to speak.

"Rachel Green, I haven't called you parents yet, but I want you to explain to us why Monica is lying for you and why you are seeing this man who tried to violate Susan Carpenter."

She knew that if she wanted these people on her side – and she knew she needed them on her side – she had to tell them the truth. At least as far as it concerned the not-time-traveling part of it.

But before she started to explain, she shot an angry glare into Ross's direction. His concern for her was heartwarming, but again, he had taken it too far. The way he looked down guiltily confirmed her suspicions about what had been going on. He didn't trust Joey at all and he didn't really believe what she had told them after the party. She obviously had to find a way to get him to know Joey.

But first things first.

"I can only say what happened as far as I see it," Rachel said, using her most serious voice. "We were at that party at the house of the Carpenter's and Monica told me that a few guys from Queens had come, too. Right in this moment I got a bit dizzy and went outside to get some fresh air. Outside I heard a girl yelling at some guy, slapping him for trying to kiss her and then she ran into the house again. It was Susan. Nothing had happened to her and no one had tried to rape her. This guy had only tried to kiss her, she'd slapped him and this is the end of the story. His name is Joseph Tribbiani, his father owns a plumbing company and he works in his fathers business. He is nineteen years old and has seven sisters. He is one of the sweetest guys I ever met and this includes Ross."

She noticed satisfied that the expressions on Judy and Jack's faces relaxed considerably after that. Round one for Rachel. Good thing she knew these people so well.

"I felt sorry for him and helped him get away from Josh and his friends, because they wanted to beat him up. We talked for a while and then I went back to the party. Unfortunately, my parents had heard this story slightly different and nothing I said could make them believe me. So they grounded me for four weeks. On top of that, I'm not allowed to see Joey ever again. Which I can't do because I really like him. This is why I asked Monica to cover for me."

"You spend a few hours with the guy and you think you know him?" Ross said, his voice dangerously close to screeching. "What if he's really as bad as everyone thinks?"

"Why don't you find out, Ross? He's coming here tomorrow at seven to pick me up, maybe you guys could talk for a while, maybe you'll change your mind?"

Jack frowned.

"You invited him here? Do you want our daughter to lie to your parents again?"

"Mister Geller, I know this sounds terrible, but I don't know what to do. My parents are so wrapped up into their own problems … you know … their marriage and everything … ," she let her last words dissolve into a pitiful sob and produced a few fake tears. Okay, not so much with the honesty here, but the facts weren't wrong. The Gellers looked at each other uncomfortably and knowing. Rachel still remembered how shocking it was for her to learn that everyone had always known how many problems her parents had.

Ross handed her a tissue and she dried her tears.

"They don't even listen to me, they don't understand me. You have no idea how much I envy Ross and Monica sometimes for having such understanding and life-affirming parents."

Judy smiled, flattered. Then she stepped closer to her and patted her arm reassuringly.

"Do you want me to talk to your mother? Maybe we can do something about this?"

"It's not so much my mother, it's my father. I understand that he's protective of me, I love him for that, but I'm eighteen years old, I have to make my own decisions sometime. Not just about whom I'm going out with."

"Okay, here is what we do. If the young man comes here tomorrow, we talk to him. Then we decide if we talk to your parents and what we're gonna tell them."

Close enough, now she just had to pray that Joey was as good at being charming and winning people over with nineteen as he had been a few years later.

…….

When she lay in her bed that night, she started to miss the voice of her younger self.

'Hey Rach, you still in there?' she asked herself, wondering if this was not at least a little crazy.

'_Yup.'_

'What's the matter, you haven't said anything since… forever.'

'_I'm just stunned how much you can screw up in just a few short hours.'_

'I didn't screw up anything. It's all going according to plan.'

'_Yeah? How? You wanted to sleep with Joey but then you stopped right when it started to feel real__ly interesting. You wanted to get out of being grounded, instead you got yourself even deeper into the mess, and now you're dragging Joey into this by… introducing him to Monica's parents? This is a nightmare!'_

'Well, missy, life isn't as easy as you might think. First, I didn't hit it off with Joey right now because I don't just want to sleep with him, I want to be together with him, get to know him. I mean, I knew him for a long… long time and today I learned so much stuff he never told me. Second, there is no getting out of being grounded, there is only a way around it. Third, we need the Gellers on mine and Joey's side. This is actually more a feeling than anything else, but I think they should get to know him and everything will be fine.'

'_Have you even thought of the possibility that he might not want to do this? I mean__, you weren't even on date yet and now you want him to meet your friend's parents? That will just freak him out and make him run as far away from you as possible.'_

'If he's gonna run, he's gonna run. I won't hold him back but I would have tried my best.'

'_I don't want him to run.'_

'What? I thought you don't even like him.'

'_I said I don't know him. Now I do… a little.'_

'And you like him?'

'_Like I said, he's cute and… kinda sweet, when he's not too busy being a jerk, and… God… the kissing…'_

'Yeah, that was pretty great, wasn't it?'

_'It was awesome!_ _What I felt then… I've never felt that before. It was like… something burning inside of me… in a good way. It felt like… nothing else mattered anymore. It was so exciting. I definitely want to do that again… preferably with him.'_

'You think that was exciting? There are a lot more exciting things than this. I mean, haven't you already had an orgasm?'

'_No.'_

'Ah… yeah right. You first had one when you listened to your dorm neighbor having sex with her boyfriend.'

'_Eww… I can't believe that would turn me on.'_

'Well we have a pretty active imagination. It was like porn for the blind. But no one… absolutely no one knows about this. We'll never tell anyone this story. Ever.'

'_I can see why we wouldn't.'_

The young voice was silent for a while and then asked, _'Do you have any fantasies about Joey you might wanna share with me? Like a preview, of sorts.'_

'You know, I'm really starting to like you.'

'_You're not that bad either. For thirty three, you do pretty crazy stuff.'_

'Okay so, here is the preview.'

'_Oh, is this us? At thirty three?'_

'No, that's us at twenty five. You don't want to see how we looked at thirty three.'

'_Well, that nose job worked out pretty nice, didn't it?'_

'Yeah, I'm glad I got it.'

'_Who's the pretty lady beside you?'_

'Don't you recognize her? That's Monica.'

'_Wow! All the running surely got her into shape. And the man on the armchair is… oh, that's Joey.'_

'Yeah, isn't he the cutest?'

'_He should've done some running, too. He's put on__, like, twenty pounds. Is this how he'll look in seven years?'_

'No, this is how he'll look in fourteen years, when he's thirty three. And he didn't put on weight, he bulked up a bit, that's all muscles.'

'_You think? Doesn't look that way to me. I wish I hadn't seen this.'_

'Oh come on, he's gorgeous. I fell in love with him when he looked like this.'

'_He is old. Look at the bags under his eyes.'_

'You just can't stop judging people from their looks, can you? Okay so what about this?'

'_Oh… much better. So this is him at…?'_

'Twenty five. This is the day I first met him.'

'_You didn't meet him when he was nineteen?'_

'No, I was too busy doing... other stuff at Josh's party and he never came to this neighborhood again. I didn't even know he was there, we never talked about that.'

'_He looks good at twenty five. So what now?'_

'This is the apartment he lives in… at that time he still lived with Chandler but let's just pretend he's already living with me.'

'_You lived with him?'_

'Yeah, for three years.'

'_Wow, it took you a really long time to realize you had feelings for him.'_

'It wasn't that easy, okay? So, back to the fantasy. We live together and here we are at our apartment. I'm sitting on the couch and Joey sits down beside me, asking me to learn lines with him.'

'_He is an actor? He really did it?'_

'Yeah, he did.'

'_But if he didn't know you back then, who talked him into this?'_

'No one did. He did this all by himself. I just told him all that stuff today to make it easier for him somehow. I figured it was a real lonely decision.'

'_Oh… I understand. So, go on, what now?'_

'We're reading a romantic scene and… suddenly I start to see him in a completely new light. Not just as a friend, but as a man. And I want to kiss him.'

'_Which apparently, you're wasting no time to do.'_

'Well, in reality, I did nothing, which I regret to this day. Anyway we're kissing… and kissing… and look, now his hands go under my shirt and he touches my breasts and… ohhh, doesn't that feel really nice…'

'_Hmm… it does.'_

'We're getting rid of our clothes and he's kissing my neck… and he's unhooking my bra … and now he's kissing my breasts… and now he takes a nipple into his mouth… slightly suckling at it like a baby… ohh…yeah…'

'_I had no idea this could feel so good…'_

'You've still gotta learn a lot of stuff.'

'_Rach, he's trying to get his hands into your panties.'_

'Oh this is right where I want to have it. See…'

'_Ohhh… God… what is happening to me?'_

'I am making you feel good.'

Then there was only moaning in her head, or maybe it were her own moans, she didn't care anymore. What she cared about was the fantasy in her head and her hand between her legs, bringing this innocent body to heights of ecstasy formerly unknown to her.

She bit her lip to keep herself from screaming, but she couldn't help whispering his name into the darkness afterwards. It always sounded like a question, like she asked him to be there with her. But like during all the other lonely and desperate nights she had spent after he died, no one answered.

* * *

tbc 


	9. TOW The Other Date

_**Chapter 9: TOW The Other Date**_

As it turned out, young Joey was even better at wrapping parents around his fingers than his older counterpart was. He was so sure of himself, it hadn't taken Rachel not thirty seconds to talk him into meeting Monica's parents.

Charming without being silly, modest without playing dumb and surprisingly courteous, he had the Gellers convinces of his spotless character without breaking into a sweat.

Ross was slightly harder to win over, but as soon as Joey demonstrated some interest in Ross's musical endeavors, Ross was all smiles and approval.

The only one a little ill at ease with everything was Rachel. For all his smoothness and easy persuasion, she had never seen the older Joey quite so manipulating, so coolly calculating to win someone's trust.

Then again, there must have been a reason girls have given in to him so easily all the time.

………

Her misgivings had soon melted when they were alone, sitting on "their" bench.

Only they weren't talking.

She could faintly hear the voice in her head trying to reach her through the loud thunder of blood in her ears.

'_You're having sex with him right on this bench,'_ the voice yelled.

Trying to force herself to focus again, she noticed herself grinding her crotch against his noticeable erection. She noticed his hand in her hair and the other one under her shirt and on her breast. She noticed her own hand greedily roaming over his chest.

She drew back abruptly at the realization, scrambled off his lap and tried to bring as much distance between them as possible.

'Wow, this could very easily have gone much too far,' she thought.

'_A thank you would do for now,'_ young Rachel deadpanned.

'Thank you', she gave back wearily.

Joey looked totally flustered. If she didn't want him to be mad at her, she had to say something. Problem was, nothing came to mind.

"I'm sorry, Joe," she tried eventually, "I hadn't meant to… you know… take it that far but… we can't do this. Not now, not here… okay?"

He lifted his hand like he wanted her to shut up.

They sat like that for a while, avoiding looking at each other, thinking of everything but what just happened, to get themselves under control again. Rachel found this to be a lot more difficult than she remembered. There were obviously a lot more hormones floating through an eighteen years old body. This thought made her feel even sorrier for Joey.

'_He's gonna hate us for this, you know.'_

'No, or if he is, then it's his problem. We don't have to feel obliged to have sex with him.'

'_You're weird. At first you're in love with him, then you want me to like him and then you don't care if he suffers.'_

'He's not suffering, he…'

She watched him out of the corner of her eye and determined that her younger self was right, he really looked as if he was suffering.

After taking a deep breath, she quickly moved over to him, climbed on his lap again and started to kiss him passionately.

He kissed her back but eventually pulled away with a groan.

"Did'ya change your mind?"

"A little."

"I hope a lot because… I can't stand this, Rach."

She pressed a few kisses on the spot below his ear, eliciting a strangled moan from him. Then she whispered, "I won't let you suffer."

They kissed again while Rachel scooted a bit farther away from him, opening the fly of his jeans.

'_This was what I wanted to suggest,'_ young Rachel stated matter-of-factly.

Joey let out a long and relieved moan when she finally freed his erection and started to stroke him gently but firmly.

"God… yeah… Rach… oh my God, please don't stop… ahhh!"

It took about ten seconds for him to find his release, groaning relieved. She fished a tissue out of her pant pocket and cleaned him up carefully.

'_Well, at least that is something you still do the same way.'_

'There are more elaborate ways, but under these circumstances, basic had to do.'

Then she leaned in and showered his face with gentle kisses.

"Better?" she asked when she had the impression he might be able to answer.

"Yeah," he drawled with still closed eyes. Opening them a second later he asked, "What about you?"

His question brought the fact back that what she had just done had done nothing against her own raging arousal at all.

Sighing, she climbed down his lap and tried to ignore the wetness between her legs, while Joey got dressed again.

"Doesn't matter, we can't do anything about that here anyway," she said quietly, embarrassed about that obvious admission of neediness.

He leaned to her, put his hand on her thigh and whispered into her ear, "But I want to."

She bit back a gasp and stood up abruptly.

"I know. But we can't… not here."

"What about the car?"

"Joey…"

"Okay, what about your room?"

She glowered at him, hand at her hip.

"You're not serious, right?"

"No, I mean… what if I come to you tonight, when everyone is asleep?"

The thought was not completely insane. Her room was far enough away from her parent's bedroom, and if she could manage to get him into the house unnoticed…

"Tonight isn't a good idea," she said. "It's a school day tomorrow… but what about tomorrow night?"

The hopeful gleam in his eyes dulled and suddenly it looked like he had found some interesting spot on his shoes to stare at.

"Uhm…"

"What?"

"I kinda… have a thing on Friday night."

Her body, burning with passion just seconds ago, turned cold. Very cold. This could mean only one thing.

"A thing like… a date thing?" she asked tonelessly.

"Well…," he floundered, still looking at his feet.

She took a shuddering breath. Heroically fighting the urge to cry, she thought about what to do now, what to say. She knew she had been a moron. This was not the right time, she should've known. He was nineteen, he was nowhere near being the man he was going to be fourteen years later. It wasn't even fair to expect that from him.

Still, painful disappointment cut through her like a knife.

She cleared her throat and tried to sound as breezy as possible when she said, "All right, I understand. It's… okay."

'_NO! It's not okay! How can he have another date?'_ young Rachel cried in horror.

Now was not the time to discuss her decisions with her. 'Shut up.'

Joey looked up at her with adorable puppy dog eyes.

"Are you mad?"

She smiled a little pained smile. How could she ever be mad at him?

"No… I'm not mad. I'm… Joe, I really have to get home. Can you please take me?"

They spent the ride back in silence. She had stared out of the window on the passenger side, trying not to look at him, trying not to think about how this was the end. How the next time she would see him would be in six years.

His car came to a halt one block away from her parents' house and after he had turned off the engine, she knew she had to look at him again.

He smiled winningly and asked as if nothing was wrong, "So, you haven't told me yet when we're gonna see each other again."

Closing her eyes for a second she tried to locate her strength for what to say next.

"In six years," she muttered under her breath. It wasn't exactly what she had meant to say.

"What?" Joey asked bewildered.

She turned to him and looked at him pleadingly. It seemed so important that he would understand, that they were still going to be able to look each other in the eye when they were to meet again.

"Joe, I… we won't see each other again for a while. Maybe… maybe we cross paths again some time, but… right now…"

His face fell. He obviously had picked up on what she was getting at.

"Is this because I'm dating another girl? You're mad at me?" he asked in a disbelieving tone that clearly suggested that this had never happened to him before.

She sighed. Luckily, her urge to cry had subsided at his reaction, she even felt a tingle of anger simmering in the pit of her stomach, but she still wanted to get out of this unscathed.

"I could never… never be mad at you, Joe. You mean more to me than… you mean a lot to me. I wish you all the best for your future. I hope you make your dream come true. I know you can. Good bye, Joe."

With that she turned around and was about to open the door, when Joey reached to her face and turned it to him again.

"You're not even calling me Joey anymore?" he asked as if that was important.

And maybe it was. It hadn't even been a conscious decision to switch back.

"You were right. You're not Joey," she said and looking at him right now, she knew it was the truth.

Now it was him who looked at her pleadingly.

"Rach, please, I don't want you to break up with me." Then he leaned in and made this face that had probably made thousands of woman turn into jelly – now and in the future.

"You're so beautiful…" he whispered while caressing her face with his thumb and leaning in for a kiss, "…so beautiful…"

'_Ooohh… okay, I forgive him, maybe it's not that bad that he's dating someone else,'_ the voice inside her head swooned.

'It is,' she gave back curtly and pulled back from him, pressing herself against the door to get as far away from the intoxicating proximity of his inviting lips as possible.

"I'm not breaking up with you, Joe," she said, trying to keep the trembling out of her voice, "To break something up, there has to be something there in the first place. But it looks like there isn't."

Joey pulled back and now the seductive softness in his eyes gave way to fiery anger.

"We made out three times, does that already constitute a serious relationship in your fairy tale world, princess?" he sniped.

She opened her mouth in shock and felt the anger boiling up in her, too. Okay, so if this was how he wanted to play it, fine by her.

"Oh, now we're talking. To answer your question, no, it doesn't. But I thought I could expect you to at least wait long enough to find out where this goes, but apparently, getting laid is everything that's important to you, so… I'm not keeping you from doing that."

He chuckled mirthlessly and looked over at her condescendingly. "I knew you would be trouble."

She threw her hair back and lifted her chin defiantly. "Sorry, that I'm too much for you to handle."

He snorted dismissively and stared hard at the steering wheel, drumming on it angrily with his fingers. "I really don't need this, you know," he finally stated. "I can have every girl I want."

"I know," she gave back, "Like I said, I'm not holding you back."

He looked over to her again, his gaze cold and closed off. "Fine… that's it then, right?"

Still trying to be at least a little cordial, she nodded and said, "That's it. Good bye Joe, it was nice meeting you."

This time he didn't stop her from getting out of the car. Just before she slammed the door shut, she heard him murmur, "Good bye, Rach."

She watched his car disappear, and as the first tremors of a dizzying spell came over her, she weakly leaned against a lamppost.

Again her senses were flooded with bright light and earsplitting noise. Through it, she heard an erratic beeping which evened out and finally became one even tone.

_We're losing her, doctor_, she heard. _She is too weak._

* * *

_tbc_


	10. TOW The Pillow

**A/N: **No, I have not forgotten about this story. With this chapter, the story's rating changes to **M **(sexual content). Please take this warning seriously, I don't want to hear any complaints. For everyone old enough to read this, have fun!

* * *

**Chapter 10: TOW the pillow**

On Friday night, Rachel had gone to bed early, deciding to sleep through the most miserable night since she had come back into the past. Problem was, sleep didn't come.

'_I can't believe you broke up with him just like that__," _her younger self accused for the thousandth time. "_I think you love him.'_

'I was deceiving myself, I thought it could be… God I don't even know what I thought. I just wanted to be with him so badly, I had been missing him so much for so long…'

'_I miss him, too.'  
_  
'What?'

'_I miss him. I liked him. I liked the way he kissed me, the way he touched me. I liked how he told me I'm beautiful.'_

'But you do realize that he is doing the exact same thing with another woman right now? I mean, right as we speak, he's kissing another girl, touching her, telling her she's beautiful. Doesn't that bother you?'

'_Of course it does. I still miss him, though. I mean, I had the feeling… that it could've been… something really special.'_

'You know… I had that feeling once, too. I mean… I still have it.'

'_But you said…'_

'Maybe… maybe it wasn't the right time. Maybe in six years, or in ten, or in fourteen, like it was originally…'

'_Are you telling me I am supposed to wait around for fourteen years for him to stop being a womanizing bastard?'_

'You… I don't know. This is the first time I feel sorry for having dragged you into this. I am sorry, Rachel. I've really ruined things for you.'

'_You don't have to be sorry. I… it was… nice… interesting. And I guess… I guess you were right about breaking up with him. I just wish I wouldn't feel like this. I wish I wouldn't miss him so much.'_

'I'm sorry.'

She rolled to her side and curled together tightly, trying to not let desperation overwhelm her. For the sake of the young girl inside her, she had to be strong, she had to try to not get depressive again. After all, things weren't lost. They had just gone back to their original timetable.

A soft rap against her window made her freeze with terror. Then she heard another… and another. Someone was knocking against her window. Since the knocking didn't stop she tentatively went to the window and peeked around the curtains.

Joey.

Joey sat outside her window, clinging to the frame of the window for dear life with one hand, using the other to knock at the pane.

Without thinking about anything, she ripped the window open and hauled him inside.

"Hi Juliet," he said quietly with an embarrassed smile.

"Hi Romeo," she said sarcastically. "Aren't you supposed to be on a date with another girl?"

"Indeed, I am. But someone had to ruin it for me by making me feel all guilty about it."

"Sorry for the inconvenience. So, what are you here for?"

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." He ran his hand through his hair. "This is… so weird. I've never dated just one girl. It seemed so boring, so… unfulfilling. I mean, it's like deciding that from now on, you only want to eat just one flavor of ice cream."

"Your point being?"

"Well, I sorta thought I would really need all the other flavors, but… suddenly it felt like it was no fun anymore knowing it would mean not having the one I really want."

"What if, after tasting it, you decide it's not your cup of tea and you want to go back to the other ones again?"

"I've already tasted it, and it… I liked it. I like you, Rach. I want to see what it could be like to… have it just be the two of us for a while."

She fought a losing battle against the hope blooming inside her. "So you really want to make it exclusive?"

"Whoah… I never thought I would hear myself say that before I'm thirty, but yeah… I want that."

She smiled at him and shook her head.

"You could've broken your neck out there, climbing up the house like that."

He stepped closer to her, gently putting his hand on her scantily clad shoulder.

"You would've been worth it."

"You're so full of it," she said the words that her younger self had said to that.

"Just trying to be nice."

"It would be enough if you would try to be honest."

He chuckled a little. "Can't give me a break, huh?"

Smiling she closed the remaining space between them and put her arms around his waist. She tilted her head up and looked at him.

"I'm glad you changed your mind."

Leaning down he tenderly brushed his lips over hers.

"So I'm forgiven?" he breathed.

Her answering "Yeah," was more a sigh than a word, and when they finally started kissing in earnest, talking was completely forgotten.

When they came up for air after a few minutes, it seemed to be her younger self again who whispered an "I've missed you," against his neck, which seemed to take him totally by surprise.

"I've missed you too," he admitted after a while, surprising her even more.

They kissed again and this time their kisses conveyed what they had just told each other. It were hungry, passionate kisses, and very soon they brought both of them to the point where they had been two days ago in the park.

'_So this is it?'_ young Rachel asked solemnly. _'This is how I'm gonna lose my virginity?'_

'No, it's not. We're not going all the way tonight, I promise. Just please let me…'

'_I wasn't trying to stop you. This feels… I really don't want it to stop.'_

It seemed important somehow that her younger self wasn't opposed to what she intended to do with Joey, but on the other hand, she didn't quite know if she had been able to stop herself if the permission to go further had been denied.

She eagerly pushed Joey's leather vest of his shoulders and tugged at the t-shirt he was wearing. He helped her getting it off him. She let her eyes hungrily wander over him. The smooth, naked chest tapering to a slim waist, his eyes glowing in the darkness like the ones of a predator. A powerful surge of arousal swept away every bitter feeling she had nurtured over the past two days.

"God, you're so gorgeous," she managed between ragged breaths. "If they don't… take you… as an actor… you still could work as a model."

"But I'm the one who's full of it, huh?" he whispered while pushing her backwards towards her bed. She had to admit that now might have been the wrong time to give him career advice.

She took a few steps back and sat down on the bed. He sat down beside her and gently brushed the back of his hand over her breast. Only then she realized that she wore a see-through nightgown and that only the fact that it was dark in the room and only the light from the street illuminated the scene a bit, kept him from seeing her completely naked.

On the other hand, where was the harm in him seeing her naked?

"You wanna see what's underneath?"

"Boy, do I ever."

When she was about to show him, he put his hands above hers and smiled at her shyly.

"Let me."

He got hold of the hem of the nightgown and slowly ran his hands up her legs while bringing the flimsy fabric with them. Rachel lifted her arms over her head and got up again so he could get it off completely.

"Looks like we're both gorgeous," he smiled after his gaze had roamed her naked body, taking in every detail.

They lay back onto her bed and started kissing again, tasting each others naked skin, letting their hands roam over their unclothed bodies like they hadn't had the chance to before.

It got to the point where his breath became ragged and gulping, where he pushed his hips against hers again and again and where his touches started to become almost painfully aggressive.

She pushed him onto his back determinedly and kissed her way down his heaving chest and his belly to the waistband of his jeans. Joey groaned constantly now and she reined her urge to tell him to be quiet.

His erection sprang free the second she had opened the buttons of his jeans and he groaned again.

"_Shh, Joey, my parents sleep right next to this room,"_ she heard herself say. Okay, so the young one was still there.

'Wasn't exactly setting the mood,' she chided.

'_Looks to me like he's way past caring about the mood. Besides, dad coming in would surely ruin the mood. What are you gonna do anyway? You don't need to crouch down there to give him a hand job.'_

'I'm not about to give him one,' was the last conscious thought she had before she tried to clear her mind of all diverting thoughts and took him into her mouth.

A muffled cry came from Joey and looking up she noticed that he had put a pillow over his face. She smiled around him and got back to work. Turned out she didn't even need to use all her finely honed techniques. It took him about two minutes to reach his climax and even that seemed like he had tried to draw it out.

She moved up to him again and pulled the pillow away from his face. Watching him coming down from his orgasmic high rekindled the arousal simmering in her belly to an almost unbearable degree.

Just as she thought about how to tell him she would need him to do something for her, too, he quickly turned to her and pinned her underneath him, claiming her mouth in a scorching kiss that left her completely breathless.

"That was so good… so good, Rach. I want to… do that for you, too," he whispered while showering her face with kisses.

"Then… then do it."

"What do I do? Please tell me. I want it to… be good for you."

There was no doubt on her mind that he already knew his way around a woman's body. But the thought that he asked her about directions, which surely wasn't easy or normal for him, filled her heart with a love that she had thought belonged to the man he was going to be.

It took her a while to find her voice, but she didn't want to leave his question unanswered.

"It's like with the kisses. Playful, teasing and gentle at first… then determined and firm."

Apparently, that was all the advice he needed. He eagerly kissed her neck and shoulders, while his right hand traveled further down on her body, gently cupping her breast, teasing her nipple with his thumb. She bit her lip to keep herself from moaning, but the sensation his caresses invoked in her were getting harder to control with every passing minute, with every kiss of his smooth lips.

When his lips had reached her breasts, when the wet heat of his mouth enclosed her nipple, she gasped loudly.

"…_like a baby,"_ she suddenly heard herself say and even she couldn't quite make sense of that.

When Joey looked up, her younger self supplied an explanation. _"Suckle at it… like a baby."_

He nodded slowly and did as he had been told, which prompted her to grab the pillow next to her and use it to stifle a loud moan.

'You have to be careful that you don't damage his ego, you know? Giving him directions is one thing, but I don't think he likes being told about every little step.'

'_He asked.'_

'Yeah, you're right. Maybe I should show him something else.'

She reached for the hand that was caressing her breast and put her fingers over his, guiding him through the task of taking her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, applying just the right amount of pressure and rolling it a bit.

"Gahh… yeah…" she moaned through gritted teeth.

He continued lavishing attention to her breasts, while his hand did some more exploring. Surprisingly enough, he even had the patience to softly stroke the insides of her thighs before his fingers found the place where she started to need them very badly.

He ran his finger languidly over her damp folds, spreading the wetness from her entrance to her clit. Another loud moan against the pillow deteriorated into a wail of frustration when his finger moved away again, stroking less sensitive parts of her body.

She kicked herself for not telling him that there was something like too much teasing. Although she enjoyed the rise to even higher levels of ecstasy almost as much as it frustrated her. If only it hadn't been so long since the last time anyone had made her feel like that.

"Joey, please…" she panted.

"Show me," he whispered against her breast and ripples of excitement emanated from her lower belly through her whole body. She put the hand that had guided his caresses to her breast before, over his hand again and guided it through a series of elaborated maneuvers, around her clit, softly rubbing, then slow, then fast, then stop, then do it again. Then pressing down hard which elicited such an overwhelmingly strong sensation that it surprised even herself.

She was so caught up in what they were doing, she didn't notice him kissing his way down her body. She also totally forgot where she was – or better, who she was – because she took one of his fingers and guided it inside her, only to be surprised when they met resistance.

She tensed up involuntarily.

"…can't believe you're still a virgin," Joey panted against her belly, but for some reason, that observation didn't stop him from pushing his finger forward slowly.

'_What is he doing? He's gonna…'_

'No, he's not. I think, he knows what he's doing,' she replied and took a deep breath, trying to relax.

The momentary discomfort soon gave way to the thrilling feeling of having his finger inside and of feeling his thumb repeating the movements she'd taught him on her clit. She relaxed into the sensation completely and when his finger started to move in and out almost imperceptibly slow, she had to use the pillow again.

But as incredible as it felt, she still wanted more. She buried her other hand in his hair and firmly pushed his head between her legs.

'_Hey, what are you doing?'_ young Rachel said baffled, _'Maybe he doesn't want to…'_

'Well, as you said, he asked.'

Joey followed her guidance more than willingly. She let go of his hand and reached for the pillow again, silently vowing to herself that the next time they were to do this, that kind of noise reduction had to be obsolete. It was more than irritating.

While still lightly moving his finger, Joey placed light kisses on her clit and licked it ever so gently. Needing more than just that, she eagerly thrust her hips up to him. Apparently getting the hint, he went at it a bit firmer, but still much too restrained for her taste.

"Harder…" she finally panted, sensing that words would probably get her meaning across better. "Do with… your tongue… like with your hand."

He followed her directions to the T. While she had to try to keep quiet, almost suffocating in the damn pillow; her younger self was free to moan and gasp, to incessantly ramble on about how good that felt, how amazing all these new sensations were.

"_Gaww… yeah… Joey… that is… so good,"_ she heard herself say when her control over herself slipped a bit due to the amount of delicious pleasure that built up inside her to an orgasm against which what she had showed her younger self already would seem like nothing.

Joey kept going with renewed vigor after that encouragement and soon enough, the tension inside her resolved itself into a series of powerful surges of ecstasy, that had her bucking against him again and again, until all her energy seemed to have drained from her.

It had been so long that she had experienced that the last time, she felt like crying. She felt like the walls she had built around herself to keep her sane and calm started to crumble under the onslaught of emotions that experience had invoked in her.

'_While you're freaking out, can I talk to him?'_ young Rachel asked rather coldly.

She didn't reply but still drew back, almost thankful.

Joey withdrew from her and slowly moved up to her again. With her hand still in his hair she drew him into a passionate, thankful kiss.

"Joey you were… you were amazing. That was… it was never that good for me… never."

"Wow," he breathed, sounding surprised, "From the directions you gave me, I surely thought…"

"Just told you what felt good. Still takes talent to… do it right," she smiled and kissed him again. The way he kissed her back left no doubt about the fact that he wasn't about to call it a night just yet.

She rolled him over on his back while still kissing him and let her hand wander down his body to his erection, taking it firmly into her hands. He panted heavily, obviously enjoying what she was doing, but after a few moments he put one hand on her shoulder and gently pushed her downwards.

'_What is he doing now?'_ her younger self asked flustered.

'He apparently liked what I had been doing with him before and he wants another one of those,' she replied, her amusement cutting short the process of reverting back to insanity.

She felt her younger self struggling with her decision, eying Joey's proudly erect penis with trepidation while slightly resisting his hand on her shoulder.

'You don't have to,' she finally helped her out of her misery. 'I did it first when I was twenty six and with a man I was really in love with.'

"Joey, I'd rather not do that again," young Rachel told Joey with a surprising frankness.

"Never again?" Joey asked anxiously, lifting his head and looking at her wide eyed.

"No… just not… tonight," she whispered and continued stroking him, while he leaned his head back and let out a relieved moan.

'Good,' Rachel commended the younger one appraisingly, 'Keep him hooked on the good stuff.'

'_Now I just have to figure out how to go through with it ever.'_

'You just have to let me do it.'

'_Don't want to step on your toes here, but I rather give Joey a blowjob than give you the control back.'_

'Okay, princess. I'll step back for now. Behave, and your body is yours for as long as you want.'

Her younger self snorted a bit but seemed otherwise concentrated on making Joey feel good. It took only slightly longer this time and the pillow had once again the task of absorbing his groans.

"Why didn't you want to do it again?" he asked. "Something about me?"

"No. It's just… I felt I couldn't go through with it again. It's a mood thing, you know?"

"Rach… this might sound strange, but… being with you… it's like being with two different women."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there is the girl who is so experienced and knows all about sex, but she says real weird stuff sometimes. And then there is you."

"Who of us do you like better? Me, the inexperienced virgin, or the other one."

"I love having sex with the other one. But I think… I rather talk to the girl who seems to be my age. God, you must think I'm insane."

"Would you think I'm insane if I told you that you're… right, in a way. That sometimes I feel like an older version of myself, like I've come back from the future?"

'_You're a genius, now he surely thinks you're insane.'_

"A few weeks ago, I'd be freaked out right now, would've left and never called back. But… lately… I have those dreams, you know. Like… talking to myself in the future or something."

"Really? God, Joey, I can't believe the same thing is happening to both of us! Is it… is it like he is constantly in your head?"

"No… no it's just the dreams."

"Oh, yeah, I understand."

"He was… really ripping into me for breaking up with you. He told me how I would end up chasing skirts for the rest of my life, trying to find a woman who could even remotely compare to you only to find out that she's already been taken."

"So… you just listened to him, you didn't even really want to come back?"

"I wanted to... I hadn't needed him to tell me that. Do you think we should listen to them?"

"I don't know. I mean… they know what is gonna happen in the future. So maybe if we listen to them, we won't make mistakes."

"I don't think so, we're just not gonna make _their_ mistakes. But who knows what those were good for?"

"God Joey, you're so smart. But you know, they have all the experience, all the things they know about people and life…"

"…and sex?"

"Yeah, for instance."

"But again, don't you think it's more fun to find stuff out yourself, to not have someone constantly telling you how it's done?"

"I would find it cool to not constantly have someone telling me how it's done, but… since you mentioned sex… you said you liked it, didn't you?"

"I sure did."

"So… what if it's like this. The older self giving you pointers how it's more fun?"

"Okay… in that case… this would be acceptable. It's like… you know… an older brother or friend telling you stuff. That would be okay, I guess."

* * *

tbc

Please review!


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